So we once again have a little predicament with sweet little Luke's sleeping habits.
First, let me say that he is napping beautifully. He takes a morning nap and an afternoon nap, and goes down awake and either falls asleep immediately (or plays, all I know is he's quiet!), or whines a little and eventually falls asleep. And he stays asleep two to three hours each time. It's wonderful!
The problem, though, is that he's having a very, very tough time at night. Which makes me feel like I am on the clock every waking hour. This has been going on for a couple months now, and I'm starting to feel the effects of it.
So here's the deal...
I put him down around 8 p.m. (although it's becoming more like 8:30 or 9 simply because I fear putting him down and listening to him scream) and he does one of three things. One option is he screams and cries immediately, and keeps screaming for as long as I'll let him go. The second option is he falls asleep immediately and wakes up exactly 45 minutes later, at which time he screams for as long as I'll let him go. The third option is he'll play happily in his crib for anywhere from 5-45 minutes, and then screams as long as I'll let him go.
That's when I get him up, nurse him, and usually play with him. I know, that might be where my trouble lies, but he's just wide awake. And he's always on his game at night. Between 9-11 is when he stood for the first time, and also when he took his first steps.
So my night usually includes me trying to put him down at least one more time before my husband gets home at 11:30. And, usually, he cries so incredibly hard that I don't let him go very long at all. Eventually, though, I put him down (the second or third try) and he does fall sleep. That typically happens anywhere between 9:30 and 11:30.
He then normally sleeps through the remainder of the night in his crib, and wakes up anywhere between 5-8 a.m. If it's early, we bring him into bed and I nurse him while we both fall back asleep. He then sleeps with me until Clara wakes up and we all get up, which is usually between 8 and 9.
Any thoughts on why he's such a great napper and yet has trouble in the early nighttime hours? I have wondered if it's the darkness, but haven't yet tried a nightlight. I have tried leaving his door slightly open with the hall light on, but that doesn't seem to help.
We were very successful in letting him cry himself to sleep for a week when he was six months old, but I just don't feel right about it now. He's so much more aware and he's standing up the whole time, which I think makes him even more riled up.
But why does he eventually fall asleep, after the second or third try? What changes between 8 and 11 p.m.?
Okay, as I'm typing this I think I'm starting to answer my own questions. Is it because he looks forward to me getting him up, comforting him, having precious alone time with him and playing? Ya, maybe that's it.
So... what do I do about it?
TW - Thanks.. those are good ideas! So do you actually go in and wake Philly up from her first nap? Ryan comes home for dinner at 7:30 and so that's why we do the later bedtime.. but maybe I need to experiment with an earlier one.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like he is kind of treating his first bed time like an additional nap. Maybe try putting him down earlier. Like 6:30. That way if he does get up in 45 mins it is not that late. (At that age my kiddos slept 6:30 pm-7 am.) Also- he could be needing a shorter afternoon nap. Sometimes I would wake them up after only an hour of sleep in the afternoon to ensure they were actually tired at a reasonable time. HTH.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I would never say this for a really little one, but I will say it for an 11-month-old. Steel yourself and let him scream. I don't care if it's for an hour or more. Let him see that you are not coming in. It might kill you, but it's worth it if you want him to sleep and if you want some sleep yourself. Believe me, I am NOT a "cry it out" proponent. But at this stage and age, yes, I would do it. Right now he knows that if he cried hard enough and long enough, you will respond. So, he does what he has to. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree that he may need to go to bed earlier. My 20-month old sleeps from about 7:00 to 7:00. He could go to bed earlier if we needed him to. But he also only takes one nap a day, from 11:00 to about 1:30 (sometimes shorter, sometimes longer).
You know, re-reading this, I think you should stop the separate morning and afternoon naps, and whittle it down to just one long nap in the mid-morning. I think that would help a lot!
ReplyDeleteI think the too much sleep at naps is right on! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI have to say, firstly, to try and keep him awake longer during the day. At 11 months, he should probably be taking two naps but you may want to cut them shorter or let him drop one of the naps.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I have to agree ... as hard as it is, he has got you figured out and knows you will come in and get him. If you want it to stop, you will probably have to let him cry it out if you want it to end.
As my husband (the doc) says: exhaustion WILL win in the end. He will eventually fall asleep and learn ... but it is hard.
And I don't blame you AT ALL for not wanting to do it. It's a terrible feeling.
Girl, I do not know:) But I have the same issue. 45 minutes to the minute is when Nelson wakes up the first time of the night. I know they have short sleep cycles but sheesh. Maybe have Daddy be the one to go get him and put him back down for a while?
ReplyDeleteI would echo what the other ladies have said about his 2 naps being too long. I do think a baby that age needs 2 naps, but maybe cutg the second nap shorter, like just an hour? Or like Leila said ditch the second one all together and make morning a bit later?
Hi from New Zealand
ReplyDeleteI had a similar problem with my son at the same age (who had always been a marvellous sleeper). I found the problem was that he hadn't worked out how to sit down in the dark once he had stood up, and around this age he started standing the second he was put in the cot and/or as soon as he woke up. This meant I always had to go in and resettle him. I just spent time teaching him,during the day, how to readjust himself and sit himself down. It took a few weeks.
Also, by about 13 months he was down to 1 sleep a day - started being 11-1, and now (at 15 months) is sleeping 12-2,álthough he still has an occasional second sleep.
One down side is that, since then, he has become rather attached to his dummy (pacifier) during his night sleep (not the daytime), but I'm saving that battle for another time!
I'm love early bedtimes!
ReplyDeleteHannah doesn't take long naps, she still takes two. Sometimes 45-2 hours....She needs a morning nap. I have tried to drop it.
But her natural wake up time is anywhere between 530am & 6am....So she goes to bed between 530 and 6pm. Sometimes that means B doesn't see her but I'm a monster about bedtime....I need that time at night. :) It's all about me here, you see! :) LOL
I would try putting him to bed earlier......
I feed Hannah at 430pm just incase she is ready for bed at 530 we are ready. :)-
I would also go back to the letting him CIO....Eeeekkk....But I need my sleep to be available to them during the day. Simple as that and that is me. And I NEVER thought it would be me then reality set in. :)
You've already gotten great advice! I would echo two shorter naps, or at least shorten that afternoon one? Or make sure it's not past 3:00 so he's good and tired by 8 at the latest. And yeah, cry it out. At this age they can totally work us! I see it so much now with Dominic, from sleeping to eating and everything in between. It's a battle of the wills! Email me if you'd like to chat more :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like he is transitioning to one nap. By one my son only took one nap. So I agree with everyone comments that he is getting too many zzz's.
ReplyDeleteHm... Leo still needs 2 naps. He sleeps from.about 9:30-11 and then 2-4 or so. Then he usually sleeps 7-7 at night. I try to keep his morning nap to 1-1.5 hours and I wake him up if he's not up by 11. This will pass. M and JP Were up at Night til 12 months and they've been fabulous sleepers ever since!
ReplyDeleteI agree with combining the two naps into one. Personally I think it sounds like he's getting a ton of sleep during the day and just isn't tired in those early bedtime hours.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Leila, except that I think he still needs two naps. Put him to bed earlier, and let him scream. DO NOT go in there, as he knows the pattern and is willing to scream until you respond. He will keep screaming and not sleeping if you keep responding. Turn off the monitor, turn up the TV, just ignore the screaming and after a few days/weeks he will learn that when you put him to bed, you mean business and it is time for him to sleep. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteAt that age, E was going back and forth with 2 or 1 naps each day. It was confusing but I would base it on how tired she was and what time she woke up. I wouldn't let the morning nap be longer than an hour at this age, though. I feel that night time sleep is way more important, so if E only takes one nap in the middle of the day, its the 5:30 PM bedtime for her! Seriously, the 5:30 PM beditme is the BOMB. It fixes those over tirednesses in almost one night. The nights she goes down at that time she wakes at 7 AM or later. Ahhhhhh...:)
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone! So L only took one nap today, basically just because we went to 11 a.m. Mass so he went down later. He slept two hours and then I put him down early (for him) at 7. He woke at 8 and has been crying ever since. How long would you let him go? I know this is stating the obvious, but this is TORTURE. Our house is an incredibly small ranch, so you hear him screaming loud and clear wherever you are. It's like I'm in the room with him. I'm thinking of getting him soon. For those who have done it, is there a cut-off point you don't go beyond?
ReplyDeleteI agree with what I am reading here, you actually have too good of a napper-go figure! :) I think they say about 11-12 hrs of night sleep and 3 hrs of napping. Of course that can vary, but since you are having night problems, I bet you that is the culprit. I would do what TW says and wake him. I think going to one nap is too drastic but either something like 1.5 for morning and night or 1 hr am and 2 hr pm. I put AJ down at 9:30 or 10am and then again at 1:30 or 2pm. He naps about 3 hrs total and sleeps from about 7:30pm to 7:10am almost every day. You could always do later bedtime like what works for you, you don't have to change that. Just shorten the naps so he is tired at night. It might take some time for him to adjust, but it sounds like it is time and will be worth it.
ReplyDeleteJust saw your last post. Can dad help? I'd say leave. Seriously. Its so hard to hear it and if your house is small then you need a break. Anyone would. Take turns with dh. Give it three nights. If you don't go in and relieve him then three nights if you are totally consistent is probably all you will need. If you go in, it will take more. Sorry, I know it is so hard. I have been letting AJ sleep on me in the sling in the rocking chair b/c he is sick and congested and he can't suck his little paci and he is so upset. I know it will be a nightmare to break him of it, but I once I know he is good and better I am just going to have to rip the bandaid off so to speak. I dread it. Hang in there.
ReplyDeletewe don't cio here...but morning nap should be shorter as he will eventually have only the midday nap. and earlier bedtime. i have a small house and can't stand crying children either. that being said, we've never done any sleep shaping/training really and our 20 month old sometimes sleeps through the night but mostly falls asleep at 8:30 and wakes up around 1 a.m. and maybe 4 or 5 and needs help going back to sleep. good luck! our babes are 20 months apart and i totally understand how crucial sleep is. i am curious after reading other comments what would happen if we put our son down earlier than 7:30, which is what we currently do. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI have not read everyone's comment - but we did the Sleep Lady Shuffle. It's not a cry it out method. Claire was getting to be 16 mo and too much for us to keep up w a similar routine. My pedi recommended the book. Check out her blog too. Itmohe this helps...if you have not heard of it yet. Very gentle and youre w them in helping them learn.
ReplyDeleteAt 20 mo Claire still takes two naps...she just needs them. Just as a side note
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ReplyDeleteMy husband reminds me you can buy it online from her website and download it - start it tonight. He is waking every 45 mins bc he is coming out of deep sleep - its what babies do. They have shorter cycles than adults. Nothing we can change. They just need to learn to put themselves back to sleep. After reading everyone's comments and not seeing this book listed - I promise the books and workbook will give you a plan to follow over the course of a few weeks. Claire was taking naps and sleeping thru the night by the end! George wanted me to say "tell her if your husband is recommending it, it must be worth it bc guys generally don't have an opinion" good luck. He just needs your help in learning how to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous advice of shorter naps. For someone his age, those naps are too much sleep. The shorter the naps the sleepier he'll be at actual bedtime and putting him down earlier is key too. Bedtime should probably be between 7:00 and 8:00. Hope some of the advice helps.
ReplyDeletewe did kim west's good night sleep tight book...very good rec, nicole.
ReplyDeletehey friend ... in reading your NEXT question, I would tell you that I would give him AT LEAST one hour. I know that sounds terrible but exhuastion WILL eventually win. Feel free to email me: flakymn@hotmail.com ... I'm here for you!
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