More bad adoption news

So I talked with my case worker today, actually hopeful that things were picking up (of course, not that it would mean that we'd get a baby any time soon, but at this point I'm just hoping and praying that the couples ahead of us on the list start getting matched). She did not have good news for me. What else is new?

They're not working with any new birthmothers and things are still slow. The good news is they just started doing some PR (really? just started?) but according to my case worker, it will take about six months to see the effects of it. Wonderful. In six months a pregnant woman might see an ad and might call our agency and pick one of the six couples waiting in front of us. That means it will only be about three years before we get a baby.

I also asked about foster-to-adopt and, well, it doesn't really exist. The infant list we are waiting on is the same as foster-to-adopt. In the rare case that there would be such a baby, someone on our list would get picked for it. But that doesn't usually happen.

I even asked about fostering older children (over seven) and was told the wait would probably be just as long as we're already experiencing due to bureaucracy. And the eight-week long class we'd have to take, which doesn't start until January, is on week nights, which Ryan couldn't do.

And no one I've talked to about this, including our case worker, thinks we should seriously consider adopting a teenager.

I even called an adoption attorney today and learned that for more than $300, plus an hourly rate for anything after that, she can set us up with adoption situations around the country, except she said it could take a while if funds were an issue. Awesome. If we could afford an expensive agency, we'd just go straight to them, not pay an attorney hundreds of dollars to call them for us.

This sucks. I am defeated. I am praying for a job. For money to fall out of the sky. For a baby to fall out of the sky. I have been praying for so long for all of this I am starting to think that prayers for me are just wasted time. It is crazy the number of people who pray for us, on a daily basis, and still nothing. Our life just gets harder and harder. All these poor people are wasting their precious time in prayer for us.

God's will is clearly for us to struggle right now, on many, many levels. He is not being subtle, that's for sure. So I guess that is the answer to all those prayers. This is exactly where He wants us and I have to accept it.

I would have loved to discuss this with my priest today in my first spiritual direction appointment (or at least my appointment where he could decide what he wanted to do with me), but I had to cancel due to being sick. I've been waiting three weeks for the appointment and now I'll have to wait another three to see him. And I really needed the meeting today after the week I've had.

If anyone is still reading this you must be so tired of this by now. I apologize. I know this is all probably getting very, very old. I couldn't agree more.

I just need a life line. I really, really, really need some good news right now.