First... it's time to announce the winner of my first-ever blog giveaway.
As you may remember, one week ago today I offered an opportunity to win a beautiful handwoven scarf or basket, made in Ethiopia, by women who used to do the back-breaking job of carrying fuel wood to earn a very small wage to support their families. These women are now paid a predictable, fair trade income for the products, which are marketed online and here in the U.S. by the amazing Connected in Hope Foundation. All profits are re-invested to support the women and their families.
So if you haven't already, head over to Connected in Hope's website to make a purchase (they make great gifts!) and help out these women and children. Oh, and a very cool fact I learned today - each of the products are signed by the woman who made them. When you receive your purchase, you can find her name on the website, and even leave a message of thanks for her! I just thought that was really neat.
So without further ado.... the winner is....
Deborah, from What A Team
Deborah, please email Ryane at ryane@connectedinhope.org to receive your prize
Thanks to all who entered!
*********
So the best way to describe my emotions since finding out about Luke's diagnosis: erratic.
I've been calm, then a ball of nerves, then joking about it, then suddenly full of anxiety.
One minute I'm scared that my son has a disease with an actual name, the next minute I'm laughing about how researchers believe Tiny Tim probably suffered from the same problem (um, he's fictional!).
One minute I'm thankful Luke doesn't have anything more serious, the next minute I'm worried he'll be among those who don't outgrow it.
The biggest thing for me is that I feel a little bit in the dark. I wasn't told all that much about it by his pediatrician (who I still need to call back and ask a list of questions). Thankfully, there are a couple websites that I have found that have good information (not random websites, but ones like the U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services, and the National Kidney Foundation), but I still would like to have a better handle on it. Like... does he need to see a specialist? Are there foods he shouldn't eat? What are the chances he won't outgrow it? Will we check his blood periodically to see if his levels are normal? What caused it?
I don't believe I've even said what it's called. It's Renal Tubular Acidosis. NOT the adult kind, which can be much scarier. So if you happen to google it, don't pay attention to that. The kind babies have slows growth and is normally outgrown. No kidney failure. I'm getting a nervous stomach just typing that.
Has anyone ever heard of it? Had a child diagnosed with it?
I don't expect anyone to be familiar with it. After all, my mom is a school nurse and says she's never once had a child in school with it. I hope that means that children outgrow it and it's not an issue once they are school age.
I just read an article about it and now I'm nervous again. I told you my emotions are erratic. Ugh. I need to talk to his doctor. And pray about it.
Jesus, I trust in you!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Good news and not-quite-as-good news
The good news first - Luke is officially thriving.
Doesn't he just look bigger?
He seemed heavier the past few days, so I weighed him on our scale here at home, and he was up a pound. A whole pound! Praise God. It had to be all the prayers. And the pancakes ;)
I even doubted the scale, so I weighed a 5-pound bag of sugar on it, as well as on our regular scale, and everything checked out. And he weighed the same again today.
And, for the record, that weight is 17 lbs 7.5 ounces. Go Luke!
The not-as-awesome news, but still not necessarily bad news (or at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself), is that we finally got his lab results back today and his kidneys are immature. I'm not going to get too specific here because I don't understand it all and don't know the correct terminology, but it basically means he's not processing CO2 the right way. His pediatrician assures us that babies typically outgrow this by age two, but in the meantime he will have to take a medication four times a day. The medication isn't treating the problem, but replacing what he's losing (the carbon dioxide, I guess?). And it will help him to grow more efficiently.
That made me realize what a blessing it was that I did bring him in for his check-up when we did, and that he hadn't gained anything yet. If he had gained, his kidneys still would've been immature, it just wouldn't have been discovered because there would have been no red flag. I wonder how many other babies have this problem and it goes undiagnosed.
I asked what happens if this isn't detected in babies (as I'm assuming it usually isn't), or what if I had brought him in today instead of two weeks ago and his weight looked fine? She said he just wouldn't grow as much and he'd be smaller his whole life.
So this isn't a huge, terrible problem. He'll outgrow it and have no lasting effects, and thanks to the medication, he'll be the size he was meant to be (I can't help but keep thinking about how his father can't wait for him to play football!).
We are so, so, so blessed that there isn't anything more serious wrong with him. From what I've read, even the most serious cases (when it is not outgrown) simply require the use of medication to keep it under control. Thank God.
But, as a mother, hearing that there is any problem is still scary. This was "worst-case scenario" going in, and that's what he has. Hearing your child has a "kidney problem" just doesn't sound great.
To be honest, though, I was completely relaxed after talking to the doctor. I have to remember that, since anxiety can build when your mind has time to wander. And google.
Actually, googling helped to relax me a little since I found something that talked about all the ways the blood test can provide a false reading. And guess what it said could cause those false readings? Heel or finger sticks - which he had! And a small amount of blood being taken. He had that too!
I'm going to call the doctor to ask about that, but she said the medication can't hurt him at all even if, worst case scenario, he didn't need it. But still... not having to give him something four times a day until he's two would be nice. So would knowing nothing is wrong with him.
Really, though, nothing is wrong with him. I have to remind myself that. He's healthy and just has a little issue that is not uncommon and, if left untreated, would just make him end up a little smaller than he should be. But he won't, because the medication will help him grow. Thanks be to God that's all we're dealing with.
And, really, look at the size of this kid's head. He's not lacking in that department...
Sorry this was kind of stream-of-consciousness. I'm still processing it all.
Well, Luke's starting to play with a cord and Clara is crying in her crib. Time to go!
Doesn't he just look bigger?
He seemed heavier the past few days, so I weighed him on our scale here at home, and he was up a pound. A whole pound! Praise God. It had to be all the prayers. And the pancakes ;)
I even doubted the scale, so I weighed a 5-pound bag of sugar on it, as well as on our regular scale, and everything checked out. And he weighed the same again today.
And, for the record, that weight is 17 lbs 7.5 ounces. Go Luke!
The not-as-awesome news, but still not necessarily bad news (or at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself), is that we finally got his lab results back today and his kidneys are immature. I'm not going to get too specific here because I don't understand it all and don't know the correct terminology, but it basically means he's not processing CO2 the right way. His pediatrician assures us that babies typically outgrow this by age two, but in the meantime he will have to take a medication four times a day. The medication isn't treating the problem, but replacing what he's losing (the carbon dioxide, I guess?). And it will help him to grow more efficiently.
That made me realize what a blessing it was that I did bring him in for his check-up when we did, and that he hadn't gained anything yet. If he had gained, his kidneys still would've been immature, it just wouldn't have been discovered because there would have been no red flag. I wonder how many other babies have this problem and it goes undiagnosed.
I asked what happens if this isn't detected in babies (as I'm assuming it usually isn't), or what if I had brought him in today instead of two weeks ago and his weight looked fine? She said he just wouldn't grow as much and he'd be smaller his whole life.
So this isn't a huge, terrible problem. He'll outgrow it and have no lasting effects, and thanks to the medication, he'll be the size he was meant to be (I can't help but keep thinking about how his father can't wait for him to play football!).
We are so, so, so blessed that there isn't anything more serious wrong with him. From what I've read, even the most serious cases (when it is not outgrown) simply require the use of medication to keep it under control. Thank God.
But, as a mother, hearing that there is any problem is still scary. This was "worst-case scenario" going in, and that's what he has. Hearing your child has a "kidney problem" just doesn't sound great.
To be honest, though, I was completely relaxed after talking to the doctor. I have to remember that, since anxiety can build when your mind has time to wander. And google.
Actually, googling helped to relax me a little since I found something that talked about all the ways the blood test can provide a false reading. And guess what it said could cause those false readings? Heel or finger sticks - which he had! And a small amount of blood being taken. He had that too!
I'm going to call the doctor to ask about that, but she said the medication can't hurt him at all even if, worst case scenario, he didn't need it. But still... not having to give him something four times a day until he's two would be nice. So would knowing nothing is wrong with him.
Really, though, nothing is wrong with him. I have to remind myself that. He's healthy and just has a little issue that is not uncommon and, if left untreated, would just make him end up a little smaller than he should be. But he won't, because the medication will help him grow. Thanks be to God that's all we're dealing with.
And, really, look at the size of this kid's head. He's not lacking in that department...
Sorry this was kind of stream-of-consciousness. I'm still processing it all.
Well, Luke's starting to play with a cord and Clara is crying in her crib. Time to go!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Sleep confessions, and advice needed
We're in the midst of simultaneous naps. Not sure how long this will last, so I'm typing fast.
First, I just wanted to remind you that my giveaway is still going on!! Do NOT miss out. Seriously, you don't even have to do anything too time consuming to enter. For instance, if you just "like" the organization on facebook, you get an entry. How easy is that? And it'll get you a chance (a pretty good chance!) to win a handwoven scarf or basket, like these..
Aren't they gorgeous? The more I look at them, the more I want both!
So just read my previous post and follow the links near the bottom. Just make sure to come back to my post and leave a comment(s) that you entered. **Thanks to all who have already entered. By the way, I noticed some of you "liked" Connected in Hope Foundation on Facebook, but didn't leave a comment on my post. Make sure you do for your chance to win!**
Okay, now back to naps..... I'm savoring these few minutes because it's been a rough stretch here, sleep-wise. I've been trying not to admit it, but Luke has basically returned to his no-sleep days. For a while I thought it was a fluke, or he was getting a tooth, but now the days are adding up to weeks and I have to face the fact that he's just not sleeping.
He started out not napping in August, back when he began pulling up and hitting his head on the side of his crib. The bruises (and the crying) were too much for me - I went in and got him every time. That has now ruined him and me - he now knows I'll come get him at the first cry, and I have forgotten to let him fuss a little (despite seeing proof during the day that he can get himself down easily from standing). Both of those things lead to no sleep.
Thankfully, it's no where near as bad as it was before, when he never, ever slept. He slept in his crib last night from midnight until 9 a.m. And he's napping in his crib right now. But he might nap twice a week lately, it seems. And last night was the first night in a while where he didn't sleep hours at a time with us.
It's still hard though, and when he sleeps with us my night is pretty restless and I end up sleeping in while Ryan gets up with the babies.
On a similar topic, isn't it funny how you want them to sleep, but you want them awake too? I miss them when they're sleeping. I secretly get excited when Clara wakes up around 11 p.m. some nights, when I'm home alone before Ryan is done with work. Unless she is sick or mad, she is usually super-cute and we cuddle in bed and it's so much fun. I know, bad habit to get into, but it seriously only happens once in a great while. And as hard as it is when Luke's not sleeping, I really don't mind him being awake all day.
But... and there is a big "but"... there's like this innate need deep inside of me to have the use of both arms for at least a little while each day. Do you know what I mean? On those days when Luke's really needy, and I can't put him down without him screaming, it really takes its toll. Everything is hard, and once I do get a few moments where it's just me and no baby is attached, it's like something releases. Ahhhh.... But it's not an emotional thing. I don't need "me time" or anything like that. It's simply the need to use both arms unencumbered.
And speaking of a baby being attached to you (like my segues?), Luke is doing the funniest things while nursing lately! He is no longer happy just laying there. He prefers to be up on all fours, moving all around, doing acrobatics. Is this normal? Is this something that happens around this age? It's really funny. He sure does have a mind of his own.
So I haven't heard from his pediatrician yet. Today is two weeks since his blood was drawn, and I know most people would have called to inquire by now, but I figure "no news is good news." His doctor even said as much. She said she'd be gone last week and that if it was "something", one of the other doctors would call me. If nothing showed up on the blood work, she'd call when she got back (presumably this week).
But I can't rest too easy because in my anxiety-ridden mind I have come up with a couple possibilities: A) That the hurricane and power outages delayed the testing of this blood (it was taken on Thurs., Irene and subsequent outages happened Saturday through at least Sunday; I called there on Monday to look for a lost wallet and they were open), and B) that since they didn't get enough blood from him and had to call the doctor's office to see which tests were a priority that 1) they didn't get a hold of anyone in a timely fashion and it hasn't been as long as it seems, or 2) they didn't test for half the stuff and weren't even able to rule much out.
Whew.... I have had a lot of time to worry about that, haven't I?
He still hasn't gained anything on our scale here at home. And if the blood work shows nothing is seriously wrong, then I really want advice on how to help him gain weight, if there's even anything I can do.
One friend of mine told me that by this age, she was only nursing her daughter twice a day. Not having talked to anyone else about my nursing habits, I was surprised to hear this. Luke still nurses on demand. He's eating solids about three times a day, but still wants to nurse all throughout the day. Sometimes I think I have more to offer than other times, that's for sure.
Do you think I could be nursing him too much? I wish I had a number of times or hour intervals to give you, but I haven't kept track. Maybe I need to. I have just heard that if you do it too often then maybe you aren't producing the "good stuff." Anyone know if there's any truth to that?
Thanks in advance for you advice. I think I hear him now. Perfect timing!
First, I just wanted to remind you that my giveaway is still going on!! Do NOT miss out. Seriously, you don't even have to do anything too time consuming to enter. For instance, if you just "like" the organization on facebook, you get an entry. How easy is that? And it'll get you a chance (a pretty good chance!) to win a handwoven scarf or basket, like these..
Aren't they gorgeous? The more I look at them, the more I want both!
So just read my previous post and follow the links near the bottom. Just make sure to come back to my post and leave a comment(s) that you entered. **Thanks to all who have already entered. By the way, I noticed some of you "liked" Connected in Hope Foundation on Facebook, but didn't leave a comment on my post. Make sure you do for your chance to win!**
Okay, now back to naps..... I'm savoring these few minutes because it's been a rough stretch here, sleep-wise. I've been trying not to admit it, but Luke has basically returned to his no-sleep days. For a while I thought it was a fluke, or he was getting a tooth, but now the days are adding up to weeks and I have to face the fact that he's just not sleeping.
He started out not napping in August, back when he began pulling up and hitting his head on the side of his crib. The bruises (and the crying) were too much for me - I went in and got him every time. That has now ruined him and me - he now knows I'll come get him at the first cry, and I have forgotten to let him fuss a little (despite seeing proof during the day that he can get himself down easily from standing). Both of those things lead to no sleep.
Thankfully, it's no where near as bad as it was before, when he never, ever slept. He slept in his crib last night from midnight until 9 a.m. And he's napping in his crib right now. But he might nap twice a week lately, it seems. And last night was the first night in a while where he didn't sleep hours at a time with us.
It's still hard though, and when he sleeps with us my night is pretty restless and I end up sleeping in while Ryan gets up with the babies.
On a similar topic, isn't it funny how you want them to sleep, but you want them awake too? I miss them when they're sleeping. I secretly get excited when Clara wakes up around 11 p.m. some nights, when I'm home alone before Ryan is done with work. Unless she is sick or mad, she is usually super-cute and we cuddle in bed and it's so much fun. I know, bad habit to get into, but it seriously only happens once in a great while. And as hard as it is when Luke's not sleeping, I really don't mind him being awake all day.
But... and there is a big "but"... there's like this innate need deep inside of me to have the use of both arms for at least a little while each day. Do you know what I mean? On those days when Luke's really needy, and I can't put him down without him screaming, it really takes its toll. Everything is hard, and once I do get a few moments where it's just me and no baby is attached, it's like something releases. Ahhhh.... But it's not an emotional thing. I don't need "me time" or anything like that. It's simply the need to use both arms unencumbered.
And speaking of a baby being attached to you (like my segues?), Luke is doing the funniest things while nursing lately! He is no longer happy just laying there. He prefers to be up on all fours, moving all around, doing acrobatics. Is this normal? Is this something that happens around this age? It's really funny. He sure does have a mind of his own.
So I haven't heard from his pediatrician yet. Today is two weeks since his blood was drawn, and I know most people would have called to inquire by now, but I figure "no news is good news." His doctor even said as much. She said she'd be gone last week and that if it was "something", one of the other doctors would call me. If nothing showed up on the blood work, she'd call when she got back (presumably this week).
But I can't rest too easy because in my anxiety-ridden mind I have come up with a couple possibilities: A) That the hurricane and power outages delayed the testing of this blood (it was taken on Thurs., Irene and subsequent outages happened Saturday through at least Sunday; I called there on Monday to look for a lost wallet and they were open), and B) that since they didn't get enough blood from him and had to call the doctor's office to see which tests were a priority that 1) they didn't get a hold of anyone in a timely fashion and it hasn't been as long as it seems, or 2) they didn't test for half the stuff and weren't even able to rule much out.
Whew.... I have had a lot of time to worry about that, haven't I?
He still hasn't gained anything on our scale here at home. And if the blood work shows nothing is seriously wrong, then I really want advice on how to help him gain weight, if there's even anything I can do.
One friend of mine told me that by this age, she was only nursing her daughter twice a day. Not having talked to anyone else about my nursing habits, I was surprised to hear this. Luke still nurses on demand. He's eating solids about three times a day, but still wants to nurse all throughout the day. Sometimes I think I have more to offer than other times, that's for sure.
Do you think I could be nursing him too much? I wish I had a number of times or hour intervals to give you, but I haven't kept track. Maybe I need to. I have just heard that if you do it too often then maybe you aren't producing the "good stuff." Anyone know if there's any truth to that?
Thanks in advance for you advice. I think I hear him now. Perfect timing!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
My first ever blog giveaway - And for a great cause
Back when we lived in Upstate New York and I first started looking into adoption, a friend of mine - a beautiful, faithful Catholic mother to one little boy - was as well. Ryane and I shared information on programs, home studies, social workers, and she even got me very interested in Haiti, which I seriously considered for a little while.
Eventually, I moved away and ended up choosing to adopt domestically, while Ryane and her husband chose to adopt internationally, from Ethiopia. It has been so exciting to see her family grow (at much the same pace as ours lately, it seems!) and we are just so happy for them.
But her story doesn't end there. She is doing absolutely amazing things. Amazing! I'll let her tell you more about it, and how you can get involved. And it just might involve my very first blog giveaway ever! Well, she's doing the giving away, but still. I'm just happy to help her out in any way I can.
And you barely have to do anything at all for your chance to win a gorgeous scarf or really cool basket. I want both of these!
So keep reading for more info on how to win from Ryane...
**********
Connected in Hope Foundation's vision began in 2009 when my mother and I traveled to Ethiopia to pick up my son Joseph. It grew into a deep love and respect for the wonderful people of Ethiopia and a compelling desire to give back to the beautiful country of my son's birth.
Subsequent trips to Ethiopia brought us to the community of Mount Entoto, outside of Ethiopia's capital, Addis Ababa. We came face-to-face with the many women on Mt Entoto burdened with the task of carrying bundles of fuel wood (weighing 70-80 lbs and 8-10 feet long!) on their backs the 10+ miles down the mountain to sell in the markets of Addis Ababa. This backbreaking (literally!) work would only net them the equivalent of about .50- .75 cents a day. The women, often walking barefoot, would do this day after day in order to feed their children. Many are unable to afford the uniform and school supply fees required by the government schools, so the children are unable to attend. The children on Mt Entoto are often malnourished and lack access to basic health care. Needless to say, the faces of the women and children of Mt Entoto were imprinted on our hearts and left us forever changed- and committed!
We founded Connected in Hope in 2010 with the 3-fold mission of providing sustainable income alternatives for the women fuel wood carriers, improving educational opportunities for their children and increasing access to basic health care. We take a holistic approach (focusing on empowerment rather than charity) and truly believe that the key to sustainable change comes through educating kids and empowering their mamas! We are presently working with 60 former fuel wood carriers who are now hand weaving scarves and baskets. Connected in Hope pays the women a predictable, fair trade income for the products and then markets them online and here in the US. We re-invest all profits in programs to support the women and their families. We are beginning leadership development and literacy classes for the women. Additionally we have a small on-site daycare for the children of the weavers. Next year we will expand the day care to a larger facility with the hopes of also providing a high quality preschool program and services for infants (who now pass their days strapped to their mothers' backs as they weave). Future plans include a small health clinic and a library.
Since we are still in the start-up phase, we are working very hard to share the women's stories and spread the word about the work we are doing in Ethiopia. That's where YOU come in! We are offering an extra special GIVEAWAY just for AYWH readers. One lucky reader will get their pick of any one product from our online store!! Any scarf or basket... your pick!
To enter do one (or more!) of the following things and then leave a separate comment on this post for each one that you do:
1. Visit our website and click the link on the bottom to subscribe to our email newsletter. (2 entries)
2. "Like" us on Facebook (1 entry)
3. Share our website on your facebook wall (3 entries)
and
4. 10 BONUS entries for every purchase made in our online store! Every PRODUCT tells a STORY and every PURCHASE brings HOPE!
Make sure to leave separate comments on this post for each entry! We'll draw a winner in one week! On behalf of the women we serve, Thank You!!
Eventually, I moved away and ended up choosing to adopt domestically, while Ryane and her husband chose to adopt internationally, from Ethiopia. It has been so exciting to see her family grow (at much the same pace as ours lately, it seems!) and we are just so happy for them.
But her story doesn't end there. She is doing absolutely amazing things. Amazing! I'll let her tell you more about it, and how you can get involved. And it just might involve my very first blog giveaway ever! Well, she's doing the giving away, but still. I'm just happy to help her out in any way I can.
And you barely have to do anything at all for your chance to win a gorgeous scarf or really cool basket. I want both of these!
So keep reading for more info on how to win from Ryane...
**********
Connected in Hope Foundation's vision began in 2009 when my mother and I traveled to Ethiopia to pick up my son Joseph. It grew into a deep love and respect for the wonderful people of Ethiopia and a compelling desire to give back to the beautiful country of my son's birth.
Subsequent trips to Ethiopia brought us to the community of Mount Entoto, outside of Ethiopia's capital, Addis Ababa. We came face-to-face with the many women on Mt Entoto burdened with the task of carrying bundles of fuel wood (weighing 70-80 lbs and 8-10 feet long!) on their backs the 10+ miles down the mountain to sell in the markets of Addis Ababa. This backbreaking (literally!) work would only net them the equivalent of about .50- .75 cents a day. The women, often walking barefoot, would do this day after day in order to feed their children. Many are unable to afford the uniform and school supply fees required by the government schools, so the children are unable to attend. The children on Mt Entoto are often malnourished and lack access to basic health care. Needless to say, the faces of the women and children of Mt Entoto were imprinted on our hearts and left us forever changed- and committed!
We founded Connected in Hope in 2010 with the 3-fold mission of providing sustainable income alternatives for the women fuel wood carriers, improving educational opportunities for their children and increasing access to basic health care. We take a holistic approach (focusing on empowerment rather than charity) and truly believe that the key to sustainable change comes through educating kids and empowering their mamas! We are presently working with 60 former fuel wood carriers who are now hand weaving scarves and baskets. Connected in Hope pays the women a predictable, fair trade income for the products and then markets them online and here in the US. We re-invest all profits in programs to support the women and their families. We are beginning leadership development and literacy classes for the women. Additionally we have a small on-site daycare for the children of the weavers. Next year we will expand the day care to a larger facility with the hopes of also providing a high quality preschool program and services for infants (who now pass their days strapped to their mothers' backs as they weave). Future plans include a small health clinic and a library.
Since we are still in the start-up phase, we are working very hard to share the women's stories and spread the word about the work we are doing in Ethiopia. That's where YOU come in! We are offering an extra special GIVEAWAY just for AYWH readers. One lucky reader will get their pick of any one product from our online store!! Any scarf or basket... your pick!
To enter do one (or more!) of the following things and then leave a separate comment on this post for each one that you do:
1. Visit our website and click the link on the bottom to subscribe to our email newsletter. (2 entries)
2. "Like" us on Facebook (1 entry)
3. Share our website on your facebook wall (3 entries)
and
4. 10 BONUS entries for every purchase made in our online store! Every PRODUCT tells a STORY and every PURCHASE brings HOPE!
Make sure to leave separate comments on this post for each entry! We'll draw a winner in one week! On behalf of the women we serve, Thank You!!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A very happy anniversary
First we had no power (three days). Then we lost internet (not even two full days, but it seemed like forever). Now things are back to normal, thankfully.
And just in time for our wedding anniversary.
Today is our seventh. Seven just seems... like a long time. Doesn't it? Six is just a little more than five, which isn't much at all. And seven is inching closer to ten, which is a really long time. Ha.. I know in a few years I'll probably look back on this time and think how we were just starting out.
We are, in a way, just starting out. Two babies, only one who is walking and neither who are fluently talking. It's exciting!
I always worried about being the older parents, thanks to infertility. But now that we are, it's kind of nice to feel younger. I know we're not all that old, but we could easily have teenagers (no lie - we freak out a little when we find facebook friends from high school who are now grandparents. Okay, so they are usually step-grandparents, but still). Instead, we are parents to babies, and at the very beginning of growing our family.
Of course I didn't expect it to be this way seven years ago today. When I was struggling with infertility, I used to say if I could just know. Know how it would all turn out. If I'd be a mother. If I'd be childless forever. But I don't think I could have handled knowing that first night, after the party had ended. Could you even imagine? I envision being visited by a guardian angel of sorts, and having it all played on a projector screen in front of me. I know myself and I know I would have broken down watching the first five years and would have been crying so hard I wouldn't have even made it to the part where it showed my babies' faces. I would have feared the cross with every fiber of my being.
But if I were told we would have babies... I would have been okay. I could have made it through. And what good would that have done? I was forced to trust God during those years because had no idea how it would all end. God, in His infinite wisdom, brings it one day at a time.
I often think about where I'd be today if not for infertility. Three kids by now? Maybe four? I know I would have taken a lot for granted. I'm not saying that all fertile women take their families for granted, I'm just saying that I would have. I know this because I catch myself doing it even now. Me, the girl who cried for nearly six years because she wanted so badly to be a mother, sometimes takes her family for granted. Just tonight when Luke was doing something - I can't honestly even remember what - and I didn't want to have to deal with it right at that moment, I gently reminded myself that if I could have asked my infertile self if she'd want to deal with a fussy baby, she would have said yes. She would gladly cut off her right arm to deal with the fussiest baby that ever lived. And I would have. Well maybe not cut it off. Or, if I did cut it off I would have at least hoped for a pleasant baby. That only seems fair.
Well this has gotten very off topic. So I will wrap it up by saying happy anniversary to the most wonderful husband I could have ever dreamed of. I love everything about our life and wouldn't have it any other way.
And just in time for our wedding anniversary.
Today is our seventh. Seven just seems... like a long time. Doesn't it? Six is just a little more than five, which isn't much at all. And seven is inching closer to ten, which is a really long time. Ha.. I know in a few years I'll probably look back on this time and think how we were just starting out.
We are, in a way, just starting out. Two babies, only one who is walking and neither who are fluently talking. It's exciting!
I always worried about being the older parents, thanks to infertility. But now that we are, it's kind of nice to feel younger. I know we're not all that old, but we could easily have teenagers (no lie - we freak out a little when we find facebook friends from high school who are now grandparents. Okay, so they are usually step-grandparents, but still). Instead, we are parents to babies, and at the very beginning of growing our family.
Of course I didn't expect it to be this way seven years ago today. When I was struggling with infertility, I used to say if I could just know. Know how it would all turn out. If I'd be a mother. If I'd be childless forever. But I don't think I could have handled knowing that first night, after the party had ended. Could you even imagine? I envision being visited by a guardian angel of sorts, and having it all played on a projector screen in front of me. I know myself and I know I would have broken down watching the first five years and would have been crying so hard I wouldn't have even made it to the part where it showed my babies' faces. I would have feared the cross with every fiber of my being.
But if I were told we would have babies... I would have been okay. I could have made it through. And what good would that have done? I was forced to trust God during those years because had no idea how it would all end. God, in His infinite wisdom, brings it one day at a time.
I often think about where I'd be today if not for infertility. Three kids by now? Maybe four? I know I would have taken a lot for granted. I'm not saying that all fertile women take their families for granted, I'm just saying that I would have. I know this because I catch myself doing it even now. Me, the girl who cried for nearly six years because she wanted so badly to be a mother, sometimes takes her family for granted. Just tonight when Luke was doing something - I can't honestly even remember what - and I didn't want to have to deal with it right at that moment, I gently reminded myself that if I could have asked my infertile self if she'd want to deal with a fussy baby, she would have said yes. She would gladly cut off her right arm to deal with the fussiest baby that ever lived. And I would have. Well maybe not cut it off. Or, if I did cut it off I would have at least hoped for a pleasant baby. That only seems fair.
Well this has gotten very off topic. So I will wrap it up by saying happy anniversary to the most wonderful husband I could have ever dreamed of. I love everything about our life and wouldn't have it any other way.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Preparing for the worst
Our second natural disaster in one week! Ahh! Speaking of which, I swear I feel aftershocks all the time. But yet I don't feel the actual aftershocks. Go figure.
Anyways, before I get into our storm preps, I must point out that Luke hit a big milestone recently - he has officially been out of my womb longer than he was in it. He wasn't in there quite nine months (and, honestly, the first two weeks you're just gearing up for ovulation, so that shouldn't count), so it probably happened last week or so.
That's all to say that today he turns nine months old.
I won't brag about how big he's getting (see my last post!), but he is looking more and more like a grown-up little boy.
For more about Luke, you can check out my other blog.
Now back to hurricane news... We decided to do some preparations today in case we lose power. And, if we do, there's always a chance that with widespread outages, especially along the coast, they might not restore ours for a few days. That, I suppose, is the worst case scenario.
So our whole family hit the grocery store (a first) and it was like the blind leading the blind! We walked around aimlessly, while Ryan googled what we should buy on his iphone. And you'd think he'd know exactly what to do since his station has been going overboard on hurricane coverage all week! But no.
We ended up with some peaches (the babies love them), chips and pretzels, applesauce for Luke, cereal, granola bars, diapers, water, milk and diet coke. I know, real nutritious. And I just couldn't bring myself to buy canned goods. I'll drive to my in-laws in North Carolina before I'm desperate enough to eat beans out of a can.
We hopefully will keep some things cold in a cooler, and in our fridge, until it gets too warm. I had already bought food to make meals for now through Monday - homemade spaghetti sauce, eggplant parm, pizza (see a trend? I like to get the most out of my ingredients) - and I'm still going to try to make them. I made the sauce today, will probably do the eggplant tonight, and then if we lose power I'll just warm them up on the grill. We also looked up how to do the pizza on the grill (with a pre-made crust that I have) and that should be easy.
Hopefully it'll all turn out to be nothing. I can actually hear Ryan on the TV in the other room talking to the meteorologist on his 4 p.m. show and it sounds like they're saying it might not be too bad. Let's hope.
If Irene does hit here, though, you can rest assured that one reporter will be on the story... tracking the storm... bringing you all the breaking news. He'll just be doing it from my living room because his mommy doesn't let him out in the rain!
Anyways, before I get into our storm preps, I must point out that Luke hit a big milestone recently - he has officially been out of my womb longer than he was in it. He wasn't in there quite nine months (and, honestly, the first two weeks you're just gearing up for ovulation, so that shouldn't count), so it probably happened last week or so.
That's all to say that today he turns nine months old.
 |
| This kid is all smiles until the camera comes out! |
For more about Luke, you can check out my other blog.
Now back to hurricane news... We decided to do some preparations today in case we lose power. And, if we do, there's always a chance that with widespread outages, especially along the coast, they might not restore ours for a few days. That, I suppose, is the worst case scenario.
So our whole family hit the grocery store (a first) and it was like the blind leading the blind! We walked around aimlessly, while Ryan googled what we should buy on his iphone. And you'd think he'd know exactly what to do since his station has been going overboard on hurricane coverage all week! But no.
We ended up with some peaches (the babies love them), chips and pretzels, applesauce for Luke, cereal, granola bars, diapers, water, milk and diet coke. I know, real nutritious. And I just couldn't bring myself to buy canned goods. I'll drive to my in-laws in North Carolina before I'm desperate enough to eat beans out of a can.
We hopefully will keep some things cold in a cooler, and in our fridge, until it gets too warm. I had already bought food to make meals for now through Monday - homemade spaghetti sauce, eggplant parm, pizza (see a trend? I like to get the most out of my ingredients) - and I'm still going to try to make them. I made the sauce today, will probably do the eggplant tonight, and then if we lose power I'll just warm them up on the grill. We also looked up how to do the pizza on the grill (with a pre-made crust that I have) and that should be easy.
Hopefully it'll all turn out to be nothing. I can actually hear Ryan on the TV in the other room talking to the meteorologist on his 4 p.m. show and it sounds like they're saying it might not be too bad. Let's hope.
If Irene does hit here, though, you can rest assured that one reporter will be on the story... tracking the storm... bringing you all the breaking news. He'll just be doing it from my living room because his mommy doesn't let him out in the rain!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
A plateau
Failure to thrive.
Not exactly the label a mother wants placed on her little baby. And yet, that's what happened this morning at Luke's 9-month check-up. It was written on his chart, as his diagnosis on our payment form, and on his lab slip.
I was actually looking forward to this appointment, excited that he was doing so much better than the first few check-ups that he had, back when he never slept and seemed to have an allergy to dairy. He's been doing amazingly well, the picture of health. He's crawling, pulling up, saying "dada," even waving and saying "hi" when the mood hits him.
I knew he hadn't been gaining weight. At three appointments back in the Spring he had plateaued, and on our home scale he hadn't gained anything since then. But just recently I had decided that it just had to be broken. I weighed him in my arms on our adult scale, and then weighed myself alone, and his weight seemed higher. I relaxed.
Then this morning I placed him on the baby scale at the pediatrician's office and there it was - 16 lbs., 8 ounces. He'd gained nothing since May. I was still calm, not too concerned as we walked back to the exam room. Then, when a few minutes later the nurse called to me again - wanting to weigh Luke a second time because something wasn't right, maybe the scale was off-balance - I got nervous. Great, I thought, knowing full well it wasn't the scale.
The doctor, who was within earshot for the two weigh-ins, eventually examined him and was delighted by his progress. Advanced developmentally, she said. He was perfect, doing everything that she looks for, like trying to get her attention, making noises, bouncing on his strong legs.
Then she asked if I had any concerns, like she always does. Well, there's the weight thing...
She had forgotten about that, hadn't checked his charts yet. Then she saw it - 16,8 three out of the last four times, with one 16,11 thrown in there. The dots on the graph rose steadily the first six months and then flatlined for the most recent three. She was concerned. I was becoming increasingly nervous.
He would need blood drawn, she said. A couple nurses examined his tiny arms only to determine they didn't feel comfortable doing it and we would have to go to a lab.
The doctor mentioned some possible things it could be. Immature kidneys, for one, which she says would not be a big problem. He would grow out of it and we would just have to watch it for a couple years, and I think she mentioned a medication but I can't remember exactly. She also mentioned food allergies, and Celiac Disease. They would test for it all.
She said it's not my supply because he's not fussy. He tells me when he wants to nurse, and I feel as if I'm nursing him a lot. He seems satisfied when he's done. I told her about how I avoided one side for a while one day because he had bit me there and how it became engorged. She agreed that that was evidence my supply is just fine.
I also asked about feeding him more solids, maybe something high-calorie, and she said that nursing is most important right now. He will gain more from that than from anything else.
It could be - and here's what we're hoping, of course - that it's just his gaining pattern. He gains a lot, then plateaus, then gains, then plateaus. We're also hoping it could be because at the very same time he stopped gaining, he started sleeping through the night, moving all around, and eating solids. He was literally attached to me before he moved to his crib, nursing constantly. Maybe his previous weight gain was inflated.
She also said - and this, hopefully, is important - that because the first part of his exam she looked at him without yet knowing about the weight issue and thought he was the picture of health, that she doesn't think it's anything very serious. He isn't showing any symptoms of a bigger problem. He's not sick, he's not fussy, he's sleeping great, he's developmentally ahead, he's moving all around, he's happy, he's talkative... So hopefully all those things add up to this just being a fluke. That he's just not a big gainer.
I left nervous and on edge. I called Ryan and told him that he and Clara would be accompanying us to the lab for Luke's blood draw. I needed the support of another adult.
My niece had some similar issues when she was around the same age as Luke, so I called my sister. She said her daughter would plateau for a few months, then gain right before her next check-up, so the doctor never had cause for concern. Okay, I thought, my niece is fine so hopefully a growth spurt is right around the corner for Luke.
I then called my mom on the way and told her everything. She, a nurse, couldn't think of anything else more serious that it could be and really thinks that he is fine. She said she had come across a prayer card for St. Rita right when I called, so she was going to ask for her intercession.
On a side note, when we arrived at the lab (which specialized in pediatrics), Luke started hiccuping in the waiting room. I kid you not, three separate people we encountered took one look at him and said, "He's got the hiccups, you know what that means? He's growing!" Apparently I'm the only one who has never heard that Old Wives Tale. When the reception said it first, I replied, "Good, because that's why we're here!" Then when we returned to our seat, a woman sitting near us said the same thing. Finally, the woman drawing his blood said it as well. Maybe just a coincidence, but I'd like to think it was a sign. Not that his hiccups were actually making him grow, of course, but that he's going to grow. Maybe that was already St. Rita's intercession letting us know he's going to be okay.
It's a good thing I had that little ray of hope, because the blood draw experience was worse than I could have imagined.
Without recounting every gory details, I'll just say that they tried his right arm, then his left arm, then his right arm again, before pricking his finger and squeezing out tiny amounts over about ten minutes. The second arm was the worst - the nurse, who was visibly stressed and sweating, fished around in there for a vein for what seemed like forever while he screamed in my arms. And this was the lab that specialized in babies.
They drew enough blood for some of the tests, but not all. They're going to ask our pediatrician's office which tests are a priority. I'm hoping we don't have to go back.
So my poor little baby had a rough day, but did surprisingly well. He still charmed everyone he came in contact with, and really only cried that one time. He's a trooper.
We won't find out the results until probably next Wednesday, and I'm hoping I can maintain my anxiety level until then.
If you get a chance, please say a prayer for Lukie, that he's okay, that this is all making a big deal out of nothing, that he gains weight. That he starts to thrive. I know your prayers are so powerful and I can't thank you enough.
And I'd love to hear if any of you have slow-gaining babies. But, please don't share with me anything that will raise my anxiety. I've had about all I can handle for one day.
Not exactly the label a mother wants placed on her little baby. And yet, that's what happened this morning at Luke's 9-month check-up. It was written on his chart, as his diagnosis on our payment form, and on his lab slip.
 |
| Does this look like a baby who is failing to thrive? |
I was actually looking forward to this appointment, excited that he was doing so much better than the first few check-ups that he had, back when he never slept and seemed to have an allergy to dairy. He's been doing amazingly well, the picture of health. He's crawling, pulling up, saying "dada," even waving and saying "hi" when the mood hits him.
I knew he hadn't been gaining weight. At three appointments back in the Spring he had plateaued, and on our home scale he hadn't gained anything since then. But just recently I had decided that it just had to be broken. I weighed him in my arms on our adult scale, and then weighed myself alone, and his weight seemed higher. I relaxed.
Then this morning I placed him on the baby scale at the pediatrician's office and there it was - 16 lbs., 8 ounces. He'd gained nothing since May. I was still calm, not too concerned as we walked back to the exam room. Then, when a few minutes later the nurse called to me again - wanting to weigh Luke a second time because something wasn't right, maybe the scale was off-balance - I got nervous. Great, I thought, knowing full well it wasn't the scale.
The doctor, who was within earshot for the two weigh-ins, eventually examined him and was delighted by his progress. Advanced developmentally, she said. He was perfect, doing everything that she looks for, like trying to get her attention, making noises, bouncing on his strong legs.
Then she asked if I had any concerns, like she always does. Well, there's the weight thing...
She had forgotten about that, hadn't checked his charts yet. Then she saw it - 16,8 three out of the last four times, with one 16,11 thrown in there. The dots on the graph rose steadily the first six months and then flatlined for the most recent three. She was concerned. I was becoming increasingly nervous.
He would need blood drawn, she said. A couple nurses examined his tiny arms only to determine they didn't feel comfortable doing it and we would have to go to a lab.
The doctor mentioned some possible things it could be. Immature kidneys, for one, which she says would not be a big problem. He would grow out of it and we would just have to watch it for a couple years, and I think she mentioned a medication but I can't remember exactly. She also mentioned food allergies, and Celiac Disease. They would test for it all.
She said it's not my supply because he's not fussy. He tells me when he wants to nurse, and I feel as if I'm nursing him a lot. He seems satisfied when he's done. I told her about how I avoided one side for a while one day because he had bit me there and how it became engorged. She agreed that that was evidence my supply is just fine.
I also asked about feeding him more solids, maybe something high-calorie, and she said that nursing is most important right now. He will gain more from that than from anything else.
It could be - and here's what we're hoping, of course - that it's just his gaining pattern. He gains a lot, then plateaus, then gains, then plateaus. We're also hoping it could be because at the very same time he stopped gaining, he started sleeping through the night, moving all around, and eating solids. He was literally attached to me before he moved to his crib, nursing constantly. Maybe his previous weight gain was inflated.
She also said - and this, hopefully, is important - that because the first part of his exam she looked at him without yet knowing about the weight issue and thought he was the picture of health, that she doesn't think it's anything very serious. He isn't showing any symptoms of a bigger problem. He's not sick, he's not fussy, he's sleeping great, he's developmentally ahead, he's moving all around, he's happy, he's talkative... So hopefully all those things add up to this just being a fluke. That he's just not a big gainer.
I left nervous and on edge. I called Ryan and told him that he and Clara would be accompanying us to the lab for Luke's blood draw. I needed the support of another adult.
My niece had some similar issues when she was around the same age as Luke, so I called my sister. She said her daughter would plateau for a few months, then gain right before her next check-up, so the doctor never had cause for concern. Okay, I thought, my niece is fine so hopefully a growth spurt is right around the corner for Luke.
I then called my mom on the way and told her everything. She, a nurse, couldn't think of anything else more serious that it could be and really thinks that he is fine. She said she had come across a prayer card for St. Rita right when I called, so she was going to ask for her intercession.
 |
| Sweet Clara was trying to hold Luke's hand |
On a side note, when we arrived at the lab (which specialized in pediatrics), Luke started hiccuping in the waiting room. I kid you not, three separate people we encountered took one look at him and said, "He's got the hiccups, you know what that means? He's growing!" Apparently I'm the only one who has never heard that Old Wives Tale. When the reception said it first, I replied, "Good, because that's why we're here!" Then when we returned to our seat, a woman sitting near us said the same thing. Finally, the woman drawing his blood said it as well. Maybe just a coincidence, but I'd like to think it was a sign. Not that his hiccups were actually making him grow, of course, but that he's going to grow. Maybe that was already St. Rita's intercession letting us know he's going to be okay.
It's a good thing I had that little ray of hope, because the blood draw experience was worse than I could have imagined.
Without recounting every gory details, I'll just say that they tried his right arm, then his left arm, then his right arm again, before pricking his finger and squeezing out tiny amounts over about ten minutes. The second arm was the worst - the nurse, who was visibly stressed and sweating, fished around in there for a vein for what seemed like forever while he screamed in my arms. And this was the lab that specialized in babies.
They drew enough blood for some of the tests, but not all. They're going to ask our pediatrician's office which tests are a priority. I'm hoping we don't have to go back.
 |
| Notice his little band-aid from his blood draw |
So my poor little baby had a rough day, but did surprisingly well. He still charmed everyone he came in contact with, and really only cried that one time. He's a trooper.
We won't find out the results until probably next Wednesday, and I'm hoping I can maintain my anxiety level until then.
If you get a chance, please say a prayer for Lukie, that he's okay, that this is all making a big deal out of nothing, that he gains weight. That he starts to thrive. I know your prayers are so powerful and I can't thank you enough.
And I'd love to hear if any of you have slow-gaining babies. But, please don't share with me anything that will raise my anxiety. I've had about all I can handle for one day.
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