Please pray

I have two prayer requests for you, and in both situations, people specifically requested I bring these to the attention of the Catholic infertility bloggers. Everyone knows how powerful all your prayers are!

The first is for a baby, Henry William Morrison. He was born very, very early on July 24, weighing just 2 pounds, 2 ounces. His actual due date was supposed to be October 13. That's nearly three months premature. He is in a NICU in New York City and has been steadily progressing, but now problems are arising, including issues with his lungs. Please pray for little baby Henry, and for his family.

The second request was from my doctor, Dr. B. He asked me to get the word out to all of you to pray for a resident in his office, Sarah Smith. I am not sure I have all the details correct, but I believe she is going to be a NaPro OB/GYN and he mentioned she is also an extremely skilled surgeon with incredible bedside manner as well. What a great combination, especially in a young, female NaPro doctor! I had the pleasure of meeting her, and I couldn't help but think what a blessing she would be to patients dealing with infertility. Since we all know how scary it can be for those working in Catholic healthcare these day, please pray for her, that she follows God's will to wherever He leads her in her vocation, and that she can be a strong advocate for life, for NaProTechnology and for the Catholic Church. 

Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Happenings

 First, Luke has now gained nearly a pound-and-a-half. We're so excited!

No more Failure to Thrive. More like Thriving Success!

He also turned 10 months today. Go double digits! You can read more about all of his latest milestones (and the newest addition to our family...) over on my other blog.

Second, I went to see Dr. B.

For those of you who weren't around for my journey through infertility, Dr. B is a wonderful Catholic doctor who heads up a Catholic OB/GYN practice about an hour-and-a-half from me, whom I credit with getting me healthy enough to conceive Luke.

Well, after several months of dozing off in the late afternoon/early evening hours (NOT good when you're home alone with two babies), and feeling like I wasn't being taken seriously by my endocrinologist, I decided to go see Dr. B.

What a different experience from the last time I was driving up there. I hadn't been in two years, back when I had surgery to treat what at the time was being called a "mass" or "tumor." Thankfully, it turned out to just be endometriosis (just endometriosis), but it's safe to say I was pretty nervous leading up to that surgery. But fast-forward two years, and here I was making the drive with two babies in the back seat.

Dr. B got to meet Clara and Luke and he was so happy for us. I was glad they could meet him, even though they won't remember.

As for my health, he wants me to do another saliva test to test my adrenals. I had extremely low levels two years ago, took cortisol for about six months, got pregnant, and then stopped taking it (per Dr. Stegman's orders).

He thinks my exhaustion in the late afternoon could be at least partly due to my eating habits. Lately, I don't eat breakfast (I'm just busy in the morning, not very hungry, and I don't like breakfast food), then I eat carbs and a little protein for lunch, carbs for a snack, and carbs and a little protein for dinner.

So... I'm supposed to eat more protein all around, but especially for breakfast and lunch. I'm trying.

You see, the big problem is I having been losing weight so quickly from breastfeeding, that I haven't had any motivation to eat healthy. I get to eat yummy foods and the pounds still come off. Awesome! But now, if it will help my fatigue, then of course I will eat healthier. Like I said, I'm trying.

He also took blood to see how my progesterone and estradiol are doing. He thinks a lot of my other symptoms (slight nausea, irritability, breaking out, weepiness), which I told him happen the second two weeks of my cycle, sound like low progesterone. He said I'm basically PMSing for two weeks. Makes sense! It just really didn't occur to me.

I got my blood test results back today and, sure enough, my progesterone is really low - 4.3 on cycle day 18. Estradiol was normal (123 I think?). And, to my surprise, my thyroid was normal as well (and for those wondering, he looks at all the thyroid numbers he's supposed to... NOT tsh).

So I'm going to start taking prometrium. I meant to start it last week, but we couldn't pick it up because our flex account, which we use to pay for prescriptions, was temporarily deactivated. I can't help thinking what if I would have been pregnant this cycle if not for a measly $40. I hope not.

When he was writing the script for prometrium, Dr. B said "well, expect to get pregnant." Ha! I don't know if I will ever, ever be someone who expects that. But I can't say I'm not hopeful. I would love for low progesterone to be all that's standing in the way this time.

Well Luke just woke up crying (I can't complain - he is taking TWO naps a day!), so I have to end this here. I have to say, though, it was a blast from the past writing about seeing Dr. B, my cycles, and low progesterone! Although this time, praise God, there is no sadness, just hopefulness. I already have more than I could have ever dreamed.

On getting out

I never want to be away from my kids.

There. I said it. Why, again, do I feel this is a controversial statement?

It all started when I saw my OB for my six-week follow-up after Luke's birth.

Are you getting out? Spending some time away from the babies? she asked. Really? It had only been six weeks. I was still getting the hang of breast feeding. By the time I got ready to go somewhere he needed to nurse again.

No, I responded, innocently and honestly. I don't really want to. 

It was the truth. Now, I definitely shy away from the controversial. If I had known what her reaction was going to be, I probably would have just said "Sure, I'm getting out" and left it at that. I had no idea that I had said anything that I shouldn't.

She shot me a look filled, all at once, with disdain, pity, and concern for my naivety. In just those quick seconds, it was as if that look said Oh, no. No, no, no. You don't understand. You don't have to say that just because you're a mom and that's what you think you're supposed to say. You should spend time apart from them. In fact, you shouldn't not spend time apart from them. It's unhealthy not to, even dangerous. You're all going to end up royally messed up if you don't. You're children will be serial killers. 

What she actually said was something more along the lines of, You do really need to spend some time away from them. It will be good for all of you. I'm serious. Still, her words weren't simply advice from a doctor and fellow mom. They were a warning.

So I tried. I went to the store alone, I... I'm trying to think of somewhere else to tell you I went, but that's about it. It was still early on, and leaving the house was difficult. Luke needed me constantly. But her words - that look - were never far from my thoughts.

It wasn't like we had babysitters to call on at will. Neither my husband nor I grew up anywhere near our current town, so we don't know a great deal of people, let alone any teens. That doesn't exactly make going out all that easy, so we didn't. And I was perfectly content.

Ryan, on the other hand, needed the occasional night out. Sometimes for a work event, sometimes for an outing involving something we can't do with babies, like going to the movies. Once leaving Luke was a bit easier, we began trading-off babysitting with good friends of ours. It's fine by me since it usually involves going out after Clara and Luke would normally be in bed.

But it's always his doing. I enjoy going, I just don't need to go. I don't initiate going.

When birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations arise, Ryan inevitably asks me what I want to do. Go out, I say. With the kids.

When I've had a tough week, when I complain about my fatigue, Luke teething, or Clara (and, by extension, I) spends what seems like an entire day in time-out, Ryan generously asks if I want to do something by myself, like go shopping. No, I say. I want to go but I want us all to go.

Call me crazy, but I just have more fun when they're with me. I'm more joyful when they're with me. I'm more content when I know they're there. I'm relaxed and happy when I know I can see their faces.

Do I need some time apart? Yes. That's why God invented naps. On days when napping is rough, I nearly lose my mind.

And give me a day or two without Ryan at home when he's normally home (or worse - if he's gone overnight) and I'll go nuts.

It's a delicate balance. As long as I have my normal routine of Ryan helping in the morning, naps, and coming home at night, I'm good to go. Help is key. I didn't say I want to be alone with my kids for days on end. I'm not that crazy.

And I know I only have two. My thoughts on this matter may evolve. But for right now, this is where I'm at. I have no desire to get out and I'm now realizing I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

I know some people will think this is absurd. That I just don't get it yet. Or, like I know my doctor was probably, likely, maybe, thinking - that it's even doing a disservice to my children.

And to them I would say this: We are all different. Some moms may need time away, and that's fine. But, for me, personally, after nearly six years of infertility, I need my babies. I spent a lot - a LOT - of time being sad and missing the babies I didn't yet know. Now that they're here, I don't ever want them far from me. They just bring me joy.

And I'd like to think at this very young age, they just might need me too.

But if my children turn out crazy, then you can all blame it on me not getting out enough. Deal?

Rejoicing

We are rejoicing in our house today. The pediatrician called this morning to say that Luke doesn't have a kidney problem after all!

Yay!!!!

It all started when I found something online that said it was difficult to test babies for Renal Tubular Acidosis because it's hard to take blood from them. It listed the two ways the test could be innacurate, and lo and behold, Luke had both things happen - they took the blood by pricking his finger, and not much blood was taken. Apparently, both things can cause his CO2 to appear lower than it is.

I asked the doctor about this and she agreed he should be retested, so he had his blood drawn on Friday. I was hopeful but not counting on a different outcome.

But the outcome was very different. His CO2 this time was 23, with normal between 20-26. Perfect! His doctor said while factors can cause a falsely low result, it can't be falsely normal.

I am just so happy - happy nothing is wrong with his kidneys, and really happy we don't have to give him medicine four times a day for the next two years. What a relief.

His doctor praised me for following my motherly instinct, and pushing to retest. But it wasn't as much instinct as a drive to know more. I just didn't feel right hearing he had a kidney problem and going about business as usual. I needed to learn about it, and in doing so I read about the ways a test could be inaccurate. I believe God lead me to that information.

So the pediatrician said Luke is probably just a stair-step grower, gaining rapidly in the beginning, then plateuing for three months, then gaining a pound last week. She said she'd see him at his twelve month check-up and that was like music to my ears.

Thanks for all your prayers. Our little guy is healthy, thriving, and full of TONS of energy lately. Just the way it should be :)

Range of emotions (and giveaway winner!)

First... it's time to announce the winner of my first-ever blog giveaway.

As you may remember, one week ago today I offered an opportunity to win a beautiful handwoven scarf or basket, made in Ethiopia, by women who used to do the back-breaking job of carrying fuel wood to earn a very small wage to support their families. These women are now paid a predictable, fair trade income for the products, which are marketed online and here in the U.S. by the amazing Connected in Hope Foundation. All profits are re-invested to support the women and their families.

So if you haven't already, head over to Connected in Hope's website to make a purchase (they make great gifts!) and help out these women and children. Oh, and a very cool fact I learned today - each of the products are signed by the woman who made them. When you receive your purchase, you can find her name on the website, and even leave a message of thanks for her! I just thought that was really neat.

So without further ado.... the winner is....

Deborah, from What A Team

Deborah, please email Ryane at ryane@connectedinhope.org to receive your prize

Thanks to all who entered!


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So the best way to describe my emotions since finding out about Luke's diagnosis: erratic.

I've been calm, then a ball of nerves, then joking about it, then suddenly full of anxiety.

One minute I'm scared that my son has a disease with an actual name, the next minute I'm laughing about how researchers believe Tiny Tim probably suffered from the same problem (um, he's fictional!).

One minute I'm thankful Luke doesn't have anything more serious, the next minute I'm worried he'll be among those who don't outgrow it.

The biggest thing for me is that I feel a little bit in the dark. I wasn't told all that much about it by his pediatrician (who I still need to call back and ask a list of questions). Thankfully, there are a couple websites that I have found that have good information (not random websites, but ones like the U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services, and the National Kidney Foundation), but I still would like to have a better handle on it. Like... does he need to see a specialist? Are there foods he shouldn't eat? What are the chances he won't outgrow it? Will we check his blood periodically to see if his levels are normal? What caused it?

I don't believe I've even said what it's called. It's Renal Tubular Acidosis. NOT the adult kind, which can be much scarier. So if you happen to google it, don't pay attention to that. The kind babies have slows growth and is normally outgrown. No kidney failure. I'm getting a nervous stomach just typing that.

Has anyone ever heard of it? Had a child diagnosed with it?

I don't expect anyone to be familiar with it. After all, my mom is a school nurse and says she's never once had a child in school with it. I hope that means that children outgrow it and it's not an issue once they are school age.

I just read an article about it and now I'm nervous again. I told you my emotions are erratic. Ugh. I need to talk to his doctor. And pray about it.

Jesus, I trust in you!

Good news and not-quite-as-good news

The good news first - Luke is officially thriving.

Doesn't he just look bigger?

He seemed heavier the past few days, so I weighed him on our scale here at home, and he was up a pound. A whole pound! Praise God. It had to be all the prayers. And the pancakes ;)

I even doubted the scale, so I weighed a 5-pound bag of sugar on it, as well as on our regular scale, and everything checked out. And he weighed the same again today.

And, for the record, that weight is 17 lbs 7.5 ounces. Go Luke!

The not-as-awesome news, but still not necessarily bad news (or at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself), is that we finally got his lab results back today and his kidneys are immature. I'm not going to get too specific here because I don't understand it all and don't know the correct terminology, but it basically means he's not processing CO2 the right way. His pediatrician assures us that babies typically outgrow this by age two, but in the meantime he will have to take a medication four times a day. The medication isn't treating the problem, but replacing what he's losing (the carbon dioxide, I guess?). And it will help him to grow more efficiently.

That made me realize what a blessing it was that I did bring him in for his check-up when we did, and that he hadn't gained anything yet. If he had gained, his kidneys still would've been immature, it just wouldn't have been discovered because there would have been no red flag. I wonder how many other babies have this problem and it goes undiagnosed.

I asked what happens if this isn't detected in babies (as I'm assuming it usually isn't), or what if I had brought him in today instead of two weeks ago and his weight looked fine? She said he just wouldn't grow as much and he'd be smaller his whole life.

So this isn't a huge, terrible problem. He'll outgrow it and have no lasting effects, and thanks to the medication, he'll be the size he was meant to be (I can't help but keep thinking about how his father can't wait for him to play football!).

We are so, so, so blessed that there isn't anything more serious wrong with him. From what I've read, even the most serious cases (when it is not outgrown) simply require the use of medication to keep it under control. Thank God.

But, as a mother, hearing that there is any problem is still scary. This was "worst-case scenario" going in, and that's what he has. Hearing your child has a "kidney problem" just doesn't sound great.

To be honest, though, I was completely relaxed after talking to the doctor. I have to remember that, since anxiety can build when your mind has time to wander. And google.

Actually, googling helped to relax me a little since I found something that talked about all the ways the blood test can provide a false reading. And guess what it said could cause those false readings? Heel or finger sticks - which he had! And a small amount of blood being taken. He had that too!

I'm going to call the doctor to ask about that, but she said the medication can't hurt him at all even if, worst case scenario, he didn't need it. But still... not having to give him something four times a day until he's two would be nice. So would knowing nothing is wrong with him.

Really, though, nothing is wrong with him. I have to remind myself that. He's healthy and just has a little issue that is not uncommon and, if left untreated, would just make him end up a little smaller than he should be. But he won't, because the medication will help him grow. Thanks be to God that's all we're dealing with.

And, really, look at the size of this kid's head. He's not lacking in that department...

Sorry this was kind of stream-of-consciousness. I'm still processing it all.

Well, Luke's starting to play with a cord and Clara is crying in her crib. Time to go!

Sleep confessions, and advice needed

We're in the midst of simultaneous naps. Not sure how long this will last, so I'm typing fast.

First, I just wanted to remind you that my giveaway is still going on!! Do NOT miss out. Seriously, you don't even have to do anything too time consuming to enter. For instance, if you just "like" the organization on facebook, you get an entry. How easy is that? And it'll get you a chance (a pretty good chance!) to win a handwoven scarf or basket, like these..

Aren't they gorgeous? The more I look at them, the more I want both!

So just read my previous post and follow the links near the bottom. Just make sure to come back to my post and leave a comment(s) that you entered. **Thanks to all who have already entered. By the way, I noticed some of you "liked" Connected in Hope Foundation on Facebook, but didn't leave a comment on my post. Make sure you do for your chance to win!**

Okay, now back to naps..... I'm savoring these few minutes because it's been a rough stretch here, sleep-wise. I've been trying not to admit it, but Luke has basically returned to his no-sleep days. For a while I thought it was a fluke, or he was getting a tooth, but now the days are adding up to weeks and I have to face the fact that he's just not sleeping.

He started out not napping in August, back when he began pulling up and hitting his head on the side of his crib. The bruises (and the crying) were too much for me - I went in and got him every time. That has now ruined him and me - he now knows I'll come get him at the first cry, and I have forgotten to let him fuss a little (despite seeing proof during the day that he can get himself down easily from standing). Both of those things lead to no sleep.

Thankfully, it's no where near as bad as it was before, when he never, ever slept. He slept in his crib last night from midnight until 9 a.m. And he's napping in his crib right now. But he might nap twice a week lately, it seems. And last night was the first night in a while where he didn't sleep hours at a time with us.

It's still hard though, and when he sleeps with us my night is pretty restless and I end up sleeping in while Ryan gets up with the babies.

On a similar topic, isn't it funny how you want them to sleep, but you want them awake too? I miss them when they're sleeping. I secretly get excited when Clara wakes up around 11 p.m. some nights, when I'm home alone before Ryan is done with work. Unless she is sick or mad, she is usually super-cute and we cuddle in bed and it's so much fun. I know, bad habit to get into, but it seriously only happens once in a great while. And as hard as it is when Luke's not sleeping, I really don't mind him being awake all day.

But... and there is a big "but"... there's like this innate need deep inside of me to have the use of both arms for at least a little while each day. Do you know what I mean? On those days when Luke's really needy, and I can't put him down without him screaming, it really takes its toll. Everything is hard, and once I do get a few moments where it's just me and no baby is attached, it's like something releases. Ahhhh.... But it's not an emotional thing. I don't need "me time" or anything like that. It's simply the need to use both arms unencumbered.

And speaking of a baby being attached to you (like my segues?), Luke is doing the funniest things while nursing lately! He is no longer happy just laying there. He prefers to be up on all fours, moving all around, doing acrobatics. Is this normal? Is this something that happens around this age? It's really funny. He sure does have a mind of his own.

So I haven't heard from his pediatrician yet. Today is two weeks since his blood was drawn, and I know most people would have called to inquire by now, but I figure "no news is good news." His doctor even said as much. She said she'd be gone last week and that if it was "something", one of the other doctors would call me. If nothing showed up on the blood work, she'd call when she got back (presumably this week).

But I can't rest too easy because in my anxiety-ridden mind I have come up with a couple possibilities: A) That the hurricane and power outages delayed the testing of this blood (it was taken on Thurs., Irene and subsequent outages happened Saturday through at least Sunday; I called there on Monday to look for a lost wallet and they were open), and B) that since they didn't get enough blood from him and had to call the doctor's office to see which tests were a priority that 1) they didn't get a hold of anyone in a timely fashion and it hasn't been as long as it seems, or 2) they didn't test for half the stuff and weren't even able to rule much out.

Whew.... I have had a lot of time to worry about that, haven't I?

He still hasn't gained anything on our scale here at home. And if the blood work shows nothing is seriously wrong, then I really want advice on how to help him gain weight, if there's even anything I can do.

One friend of mine told me that by this age, she was only nursing her daughter twice a day. Not having talked to anyone else about my nursing habits, I was surprised to hear this. Luke still nurses on demand. He's eating solids about three times a day, but still wants to nurse all throughout the day. Sometimes I think I have more to offer than other times, that's for sure.

Do you think I could be nursing him too much? I wish I had a number of times or hour intervals to give you, but I haven't kept track. Maybe I need to. I have just heard that if you do it too often then maybe you aren't producing the "good stuff." Anyone know if there's any truth to that?

Thanks in advance for you advice. I think I hear him now. Perfect timing!

My first ever blog giveaway - And for a great cause

Back when we lived in Upstate New York and I first started looking into adoption, a friend of mine - a beautiful, faithful Catholic mother to one little boy - was as well. Ryane and I shared information on programs, home studies, social workers, and she even got me very interested in Haiti, which I seriously considered for a little while.

Eventually, I moved away and ended up choosing to adopt domestically, while Ryane and her husband chose to adopt internationally, from Ethiopia. It has been so exciting to see her family grow (at much the same pace as ours lately, it seems!) and we are just so happy for them.

But her story doesn't end there. She is doing absolutely amazing things. Amazing! I'll let her tell you more about it, and how you can get involved. And it just might involve my very first blog giveaway ever! Well, she's doing the giving away, but still. I'm just happy to help her out in any way I can.

And you barely have to do anything at all for your chance to win a gorgeous scarf or really cool basket. I want both of these!

So keep reading for more info on how to win from Ryane...


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Connected in Hope Foundation's vision began in 2009 when my mother and I traveled to Ethiopia to pick up my son Joseph.  It grew into a deep love and respect for the wonderful people of Ethiopia and a compelling desire to give back to the beautiful country of my son's birth.

Subsequent trips to Ethiopia brought us to the community of Mount Entoto, outside of Ethiopia's capital, Addis Ababa.  We came face-to-face with the many women on Mt Entoto burdened with the task of carrying bundles of fuel wood (weighing 70-80 lbs and 8-10 feet long!) on their backs the 10+ miles down the mountain to sell in the markets of Addis Ababa.  This backbreaking (literally!) work would only net them the equivalent of about .50- .75 cents a day.  The women, often walking barefoot, would do this day after day in order to feed their children.   Many are unable to afford the uniform and school supply fees required by the government schools, so the children are unable to attend.  The children on Mt Entoto are often malnourished and lack access to basic health care.  Needless to say, the faces of the women and children of Mt Entoto were imprinted on our hearts and left us forever changed- and committed!

 
We founded Connected in Hope in 2010 with the 3-fold mission of providing sustainable income alternatives for the women fuel wood carriers, improving educational opportunities for their children and increasing access to basic health care. We take a holistic approach (focusing on empowerment rather than charity) and truly believe that the key to sustainable change comes through educating kids and empowering their mamas! We are presently working with 60 former fuel wood carriers who are now hand weaving scarves and baskets. Connected in Hope pays the women a predictable, fair trade income for the products and then markets them online and here in the US. We re-invest all profits in programs to support the women and their families. We are beginning leadership development and literacy classes for the women. Additionally we have a small on-site daycare for the children of the weavers. Next year we will expand the day care to a larger facility with the hopes of also providing a high quality preschool program and services for infants (who now pass their days strapped to their mothers' backs as they weave). Future plans include a small health clinic and a library. 

Read more about what we are doing on our website www.connectedinhope.org.  

Since we are still in the start-up phase, we are working very hard to share the women's stories and spread the word about the work we are doing in Ethiopia.  That's where YOU come in!   We are offering an extra special GIVEAWAY just for AYWH readers.  One lucky reader will get their pick of any one product from our online store!! Any scarf or basket... your pick!  

To enter do one (or more!) of the following things and then leave a separate comment on this post for each one that you do: 

1.  Visit our website and click the link on the bottom to subscribe to our email newsletter. (2 entries)

2.  "Like" us on Facebook (1 entry)

3.  Share our website on your facebook wall (3 entries)

and 

4.  10 BONUS entries for every purchase made in our online store! Every PRODUCT tells a STORY and every PURCHASE brings HOPE!

Make sure to leave separate comments on this post for each entry! We'll draw a winner in one week!  On behalf of the women we serve, Thank You!!

A very happy anniversary

First we had no power (three days). Then we lost internet (not even two full days, but it seemed like forever). Now things are back to normal, thankfully.

And just in time for our wedding anniversary.

Today is our seventh. Seven just seems... like a long time. Doesn't it? Six is just a little more than five, which isn't much at all. And seven is inching closer to ten, which is a really long time. Ha.. I know in a few years I'll probably look back on this time and think how we were just starting out.

We are, in a way, just starting out. Two babies, only one who is walking and neither who are fluently talking. It's exciting!

I always worried about being the older parents, thanks to infertility. But now that we are, it's kind of nice to feel younger. I know we're not all that old, but we could easily have teenagers (no lie - we freak out a little when we find facebook friends from high school who are now grandparents. Okay, so they are usually step-grandparents, but still). Instead, we are parents to babies, and at the very beginning of growing our family.

Of course I didn't expect it to be this way seven years ago today. When I was struggling with infertility, I used to say if I could just know. Know how it would all turn out. If I'd be a mother. If I'd be childless forever. But I don't think I could have handled knowing that first night, after the party had ended. Could you even imagine? I envision being visited by a guardian angel of sorts, and having it all played on a projector screen in front of me. I know myself and I know I would have broken down watching the first five years and would have been crying so hard I wouldn't have even made it to the part where it showed my babies' faces. I would have feared the cross with every fiber of my being.

But if I were told we would have babies... I would have been okay. I could have made it through. And what good would that have done? I was forced to trust God during those years because had no idea how it would all end. God, in His infinite wisdom, brings it one day at a time.

I often think about where I'd be today if not for infertility. Three kids by now? Maybe four? I know I would have taken a lot for granted. I'm not saying that all fertile women take their families for granted, I'm just saying that I would have. I know this because I catch myself doing it even now. Me, the girl who cried for nearly six years because she wanted so badly to be a mother, sometimes takes her family for granted. Just tonight when Luke was doing something - I can't honestly even remember what - and I didn't want to have to deal with it right at that moment, I gently reminded myself that if I could have asked my infertile self if she'd want to deal with a fussy baby, she would have said yes. She would gladly cut off her right arm to deal with the fussiest baby that ever lived. And I would have. Well maybe not cut it off. Or, if I did cut it off I would have at least hoped for a pleasant baby. That only seems fair.

Well this has gotten very off topic. So I will wrap it up by saying happy anniversary to the most wonderful husband I could have ever dreamed of. I love everything about our life and wouldn't have it any other way.