It's official

Today was a monumental day. It just didn't feel like it all that much.

A year and almost four months ago, we experienced one of the greatest days of our lives - meeting Clara. She was put into my arms and we put her, all barely five pounds of her, into her car seat and drove off. She was our daughter immediately. I like to think she was even our daughter before we met her, we just didn't know it yet.

We've spent the past 15 months just totally in awe of the miracle that she is. I really, really need to write a post about how she was born ten - TEN! - weeks early and not only has no developmental delays but she is actually ahead for her age in many areas (and not her adjusted age..we stopped going by that after about three months).

She has been a member of our family since January 6, 2010. She has been Clara Therese.. daughter, big sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, Goddaughter, and Godsister.

So nothing changed today, other than a judge in another state many miles away was presented with all of our paperwork and declared us her legal parents. Or something like that. I'm not sure because we weren't there.

(It would've been fun to be there, for the awesome photo-op with the judge, but that's okay. I'm not exactly asking to take two babies half-way across the country at the moment.)

For most adoptive parents, today would have been the milestone. The days would have been counted down to the finalization and a huge sigh of relief would have been breathed. Don't get me wrong, we are over the moon with excitement. And we are relieved (probably more than I ever wanted to admit). And I, too, would have felt that way, if it had taken only six, or eight months to finalize.

But when your finalization isn't for 15 months, counting down the days isn't exactly an option. And, to me, it seemed like focusing on that day way in the future would have somehow meant discrediting the nearly year-and-a-half she's been our baby. Does that make sense?

So I successfully put it out of my mind and told myself it didn't matter. Until the day got close, a court date was scheduled and I allowed myself to think about it for the first time.

We went about our business this morning like it was any other day, although we did refresh our inbox more than normal. And when the email came it seemed sort of anticlimactic. She was ours before it and after.

It is pretty nice when it's official though (although now I really want to get that final decree in my hands!).

She is truly our miracle. God's gift to us that I will never stop thanking him for.

I wrote a post once, while I was waiting to become a mother, about how I felt like the rotten little kid who was jealous of everyone else getting their gifts and wondering where mine was. Little did I know the biggest, most beautiful gift was there, wrapped up with a perfect bow, waiting for me the whole time.

I am so unworthy.