I am so in love with our little baby.
Only she's not so little anymore! Well, physically she may still be pretty small (although she is almost 16 lbs.!), but she's suddenly this quickly-developing baby in a teeny, tiny body. She's now sitting up and is very, very close to crawling. While she's been mobile for a while now (she can get clear across the room on her own pretty quickly, alternating between back-scooting, rolling, and basically dragging herself on her tummy), this week she's been getting up on all fours...and then she's just not sure what to do from there!
She smiles so much, basically every time we make eye contact. And her laughter! There's just nothing like it in the whole world.
And I can't leave out those big, brown eyes. They go right through me.
I'm guessing she's just days away from saying "da-da". She's now babbling using a lot of consonants and tonight it sounded like she said "hey, baby!" We know she didn't mean to, obviously, but we both heard it!
And today I swear she recognized Ryan when he came on T.V. She was in her car seat facing the screen when, all of a sudden, she let out this totally wild scream, practically jumping out of the seat. I wasn't paying attention so I looked up when I heard her to see what was going on and I saw him. We're not entirely sure it wasn't a coincidence, but she does know his face and voice, so who knows?! And it thrilled her daddy when I told him :)
I love this little girl with all my heart. I love her sweaty hair, her sleepy eyes in the morning, the way she chews on her bottle, how much she loves her excersaucer, and the way she looks for her daddy when he leaves the room and lights up when she spots him again. I even like the smell of her spit-up when it's on my clothes (should I not admit that??).
I couldn't possibly love her more if she grew in my womb.
She will always be my first miracle and the one who healed my heart. I hesitate to even admit that because I know adoption doesn't typically erase infertility sadness and I surely didn't expect it would for me. But this emotional healing, our second miracle, was another surprise God had in store for us.
Then came our third miracle in as many months, a physical healing and baby #2. And it made me love her even more (which I didn't know was possible).
I thank God every day for my beautiful girl, who is sleeping at me feet as I type this. She'll always be the one who made me a mother and changed my life forever.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I am so in love with our little baby.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
...at least for now! (How's that for optimism?)
My progesterone at 20 weeks rose all the way to 56.8, which is zone 3! That means it's risen 25 points (sorry I couldn't think of what else to call them.. units?) from four weeks ago, when it was in the low 30's. Thank God it's doing what it's supposed to!
As much as I am glad to no longer have to get twice weekly shots, I am a little nervous about losing my security blanket. The shots at least made me feel like I was doing something to help.
I'll still get blood drawn a week from Friday, though, so we'll know what it's doing on its own. The nurse did warn that it could drop a little, which only concerns me because, according to the PPVI graph, progesterone rises a great deal between weeks 20 and 22. To stay in zone 3, it would have to jump to the 80's.
I'm not going to spend too much time worrying about that now though. I'm just glad it rose as much as it did and that I can stop the shots. And even if I do have to start them up again (which, by the way is my own theory.. the nurse did not mention this as a possibility), at least my butt cheeks will have gotten a couple weeks of rest!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Not posting very frequently leads to the need for an update post - that hodge podge of random thoughts that I feel like I have to get out of the way before writing any kind of well-thought-out post (although, let's be honest, when's the last time I posted something well thought out anyways?).
So here goes...
* I feel baby boy kick all the time. Well, not all the time, because he does stop to sleep like a good little baby, but I feel him quite often. And it's glorious. It's truly one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced, right up there with hearing Clara's laughter. Starting earlier this week, you can even feel him on the outside of my stomach, which Ryan has been able to experience. I know I say this all the time, but it's just so surreal!
* At our ultrasound the tech said he was breach (not a big deal this early on) which made sense because I had been feeling kicks in my lower abdomen. But beginning last night, I'm feeling those same kicks up near my belly button. Perhaps he has turned around?
* I'm 21 weeks today, although according to my OB I'm 21 weeks on Sunday and according to Monday's ultrasound I'll be 21 weeks this coming Tuesday. I get my date from when I think I ovulated and what he was measuring during the first two ultrasounds. My doctor gets her date from the start of my last period. And Monday's ultrasound had the due date a couple days later because that's what baby boy was measuring. I know it's just a couple days, but I'm sticking with my date because I like switching over weeks sooner! But it'll actually be nice near the end that the other dates are later.
* Ryan has had quite a week. On Saturday he cleaned up our backyard, in preparation for the blogger get-together at our house, and had an allergic reaction to something (the doctor thinks leaves but he sees an allergist next week). We didn't know this until Sunday morning, when he woke up with a swollen eye. TV anchors and swollen eyes don't go well together, so he hasn't been able to anchor his shows all week. Thank God that they've let him come to work, though, because otherwise it would have cut into the days he plans to take off when the baby comes. It would've wiped them out almost completely, actually. So not only has Ryan had to deal with looking like a boxer, terrible itching all over his body and grumpiness from steroids, but he's been plugging away at work all week despite it all. I'm so glad he's almost completely better today!
* Clara's been sick off and on for about a month now. She's acting totally fine, isn't lethargic, has a normal appetite and no fever, but her nose is runny every so often and the biggest reason I know something's up - her little voice is hoarse. It sounds terrible! I'm guessing it's post-nasal drip combined with me attempting to let her 'cry it out' now and then (which does not work with her.. she can go for HOURS!). She saw the doctor for it last month and there was absolutely nothing they could do, so I've been hesitant to call this time around. I've done a couple breathing treatments (which don't do anything if it's a cold), we take her in the bathroom when we shower, and we did a treatment this morning using saline, which our doctor recommended last time. I'm also going to do all I can to prevent her from crying for a few days to preserve her voice. We'll see how that goes!
* If anyone is wondering how our break from internet and cable has been working out for us, I'm happy to report it's going quite well! While I do get annoyed every so often when there's something I want to do online and can't (like upload or email photos), I don't miss cable at all. It's actually quite refreshing to not be a slave to t.v. shows (something I definitely was before). When you can't pause, rewind or record, it surprisingly let's you off the hook from feeling like you have to. Last night I realized I completely missed one of my favorite shows and guess what? I don't care! Now, I shouldn't give the impression that we enjoy quiet time with the t.v. turned off all day. Actually, my viewing habits have just changed. With no Bravo, TLC or Discovery, I have taken to watching soaps in the afternoon (haha! I'll take what I can get!) and we got a subscription to Netflix, which has been nice (we're loving Dexter and Weeds lately, not exactly the purist, most moral shows!).
* So some of you have seen the picture of me at our little get-together last weekend where my baby bump was poking through (I have to admit, I was a little shocked to see what I looked like.. I guess I hadn't taken a picture like that in a while!). I have gained about 18 pounds, believe it or not (you'd believe it if you saw me in person), and when I pass by a mirror or window I am still not used to the reflection. I don't care at all that I'm gaining, of course, it's just different! So here's a picture we took at twenty weeks, of my half-way-through baby bump. And it's a little extra special now that we know who is in there - our little boy!
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Clara's going to have a little brother!
Here you can see his beautiful little profile, with his arm over his head and his hand on his forehead. I like to think he's making the sign of the cross!
Ahhh! I can't believe I'm even writing "he"! I am one of three girls and there are now two granddaughters on my side, so we were starting to think maybe my family was destined to only ever have females. And while I'm sure they would have been just as happy with a girl, I think both my dad and Ryan are pretty excited today about our little boy!
Everything in the ultrasound was perfect and normal and great. We are so thrilled and in awe of God's abundant blessings!
Friday, July 16, 2010
...that I'm 20 weeks! It just seems like such a milestone. It always sounded so far away, to be half way. And it means I've reached the point where the baby's moving, the baby's getting a lot bigger (apparently he or she is now the size of a large banana!), and the baby can now even get a taste of what I eat (in the amniotic fluid). And I'm looking a little more pregnant these days, too (the other day I was the most pregnant-looking woman shopping in the Old Navy maternity section, which was a weird realization!). It all makes it so much more real!
Earlier this week when my sister gave birth (thanks for all your well wishes for her, by the way!), seeing her belly picture one minute and her holding a baby the next really made it real for me. There's a baby in there! There's an actual human baby in my stomach!
I know this should be obvious. And, really, I know how reproduction works. I really do. But it's still difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm a part of all that! It's still hard to imagine a human baby...in there!
Okay, anyways... So I'm experiencing some different symptoms these days, and I'm not saying any of this to complain but, rather, to document it.
First and foremost, my heartburn is OUT OF CONTROL. I take a lot of tums, all day long. And it doesn't matter what I've had to eat. I've had it all along but it really escalated about two or three weeks ago.
I'm also fatigued beyond belief. I nap (if Clara does too) every day, usually at some point between three and six. And in the evening, when Clara gets fussy sometimes before bed, I find that I start to get really discouraged. I wonder, if it's hard to handle one fussy baby, how I'll possibly do it all with two. I know it's the fatigue talking and by the next morning I'm back to normal and I know that I will be fine with two babies, by the grace of God (well, some moments probably won't be 'fine', but I'm sure the great moments will outweigh the tough ones). I assume that these feelings are completely normal, especially for someone having babies so close in age.
I also get swollen, bleeding gums at times, including tonight. My dentist told me this would happen.
My face is, for me, abnormally dry (which I've been told could mean it's a girl).
And I'm still getting that awful gnawing hunger. Some days are worse than others, but it happens every morning and if I wake in the night. Last weekend I was just stuffing my face all day long, trying to get rid of the hunger, to no avail. That's when I decided it's actually not hunger at all, but something terrible and mean, impersonating hunger.
I have some round ligament pain from time to time, and some back pain, but nothing serious.
But, oh, how my butt hurts! That's right - those progesterone shots are still at it, wreaking havoc on my ability to sit comfortably. I get a sore, red, bruised, hard round ball at the injection site, and sometimes it's worse than others. It usually doesn't appear for a day and then once it does, it gets worse before getting better. It usually starts to disappear right before it's time to have another one on that same side (which is a week later).
The good news is my progesterone is now at 42.1 (that's up from the low 30's, where it was for a couple months). Technically that means it stayed about the same, since it's supposed to be steadily rising, but at least it didn't stay in the low 30's or, worse yet, decrease. I'm now at the point where I've successfully convinced myself that it's not something to worry about anyways, but it's still nice to be moving in the right direction.
Again, I'll reiterate, I don't mind these "negative" symptoms. I truly don't! I actually think it's neat that a baby is causing me heartburn. Sure, my husband will probably be surprised to read this since, at home, I'm not above complaining. But it's all relative, and I wouldn't trade this for the world.
On Monday we'll find out the gender. I cannot wait! I thought the day would never get here. To be honest, I'm a tad bit nervous that something might be revealed to be wrong during this ultrasound (twenty weeks is where they look at all the anatomy), but I'm not losing sleep over it. My nervousness really has lessened with each appointment, which is great. Those little, tiny kicks really do help!
So at this half-way point, I am just so grateful to God for this miracle. For both of our miracles! I am in awe!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Congratulations to my sister, Amy, and her husband, Joe, on the birth of their beautiful new daughter!
Check out that blonde hair!
Caleigh Kristine was born early this morning and everyone is doing great. She's their first baby, my first niece, and the second grandchild for my parents (they are going from zero to three in just one year!). I'm sure little Caleigh and Clara will be great friends!
Amy is a frequent reader of my blog and even reads some of yours, as well. And in my opinion, she understands infertility better than any "fertile" I know!
So congratulations again to my sister and brother-in-law. I can't wait to meet my niece!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I'm a tad bit nervous tonight because my iPhone is on the fritz. I'm hoping it just needs to dry out (we suspect it got some water in it) and everything will be okay, although one fix I found online actually calls for wrapping it in a towel and putting it in the oven on low heat. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I'm still able to use it (hence this post) but I have to turn the entire phone off to move between apps. Not terrible, just annoying. And I'm just hoping it doesn't get worse and cut me off from the internet entirely. That would NOT be good.
Speaking of water, we spent a couple hours at our friend's pool early this afternoon. Being out in the 100-plus degree temperatures can be risky for a non-pregnant person but, in my experience, it was even more difficult in my current state (and probably not too smart). I had some trouble breathing near the end and when we had lunch outside I found it really hard to eat.
I'm actually finding it hard to eat in general these days. Not every meal, but once in a while. As I told Ryan today, "it just feels like something's right here (pointing to baby bump), pressing on me"! Haha.. I wonder what that could be!
I love that I finally feel pregnant. I love that my stomach gets in the way (and I know this is only the very beginning). I love that I'm not comfortable in my regular clothes anymore and I have to wear Ryan's to bed. I love that I feel the baby off and on throughout the day. It's so reassuring.
So I have a bunch of pictures to post but that's pretty difficult these days. So, for now, here are a couple from this past weekend (posted with Ryan's help!):
The babies were SO good at their first major league baseball game. And Clara even got to see her favorite team win!
Have I mentioned how much I love that little girl? I just can't get enough of her. Her smile, her laugh, her love of doing raspberries and sticking her tongue out. She brings me constant joy, even when she's screaming and crying and I just want to take a nap. And when I finally put her down at night, I miss her sweet little face. Until we hear her talking away to herself in her crib the next morning and we find her laying there, looking up at us with a huge grin on her face.
I can't even imagine having two at this point. Yes, it'll be a lot of work, but if Baby #2 is anything like Clara, my heart will absolutely overflow!
Friday, July 2, 2010
I feel a lot better since my last post and that is due in no small part to your comments. Thank you! I even had family members quoting different comments to me, trying to make me feel better. So I really appreciate those of you who shared your low progesterone stories.
Today I was a little nervous for a different reason. Yesterday I started to have some pain on my right side by my hip bone, but after googling "round ligament pain" (and a little reassurance from my sister, who is due in just a few weeks, I might add), I realized that's what it was. After all, I am 18 weeks today and I'm sure things are really stretching and moving in there!
Speaking of movement, I definitely feel some! I wouldn't call it flutters, but rather pops and quick sensations here and there. Sometimes it happens a lot over a span of 30 minutes to an hour, and other times I don't feel it for a few hours. It's still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it's a baby doing it!
My appointment with the endocrinologist the other day went really well. She guessed my symptoms right away (rapid heart beat and anxiety at night) and said it was due to my medication. So she's altered the dose and said I should feel better in about a week. I love finding out things like that can be fixed! I didn't expect that at all, or even think it had anything to do with my thyroid! Now I'm just hoping it works.
Clara did great too! Well, actually she was a bit fussy (of course, since I needed her not to be), but the office staff was amazing, which was so great to see because I've taken her with me to some appointments where I've gotten the feeling that the staff is less than amused that she's there. Everyone loved her and she even went with one of the women who worked there while I met with the doctor (apparently they watch babies for moms all the time). The woman had her right on her lap while she answered phones! At one point, I passed her and Clara in the hall and Clara looked right at me and didn't even care! And in case you're thinking maybe she was nervous and emotionless, oh no, a nurse walked up and talked baby talk to her and she lit right up with a huge smile. There's no seperation anxiety with that child!
I'm excited to be heading out of town tomorrow with the GIMH family! Our husbands planned a little weekend getaway (which GIMH and I find amusing) and it should be a lot of fun. Hopefully I'll find a way to post pictures of it next week. I've actually been posting from my iPhone lately (which isn't as hard as I thought it would be, once you get the hang of it. Although the finger I type with may beg to differ), but I still can't really post pictures or video.
And I'm really going to have to find an internet connection to post video soon because I have some great ones of Clara (who turned seven months yesterday, by the way!). Lately she has taken up back scooting as well as laughing, and I find both hysterical! Seriously, why didn't anyone tell me how absolutely amazing it is when your baby belly laughs? It's my current favorite thing in the world. It brings me indescribable joy.
Okay, time for bed and to give my typing finger a rest. Have a great holiday weekend!