It's hard to believe

...that I'm 20 weeks! It just seems like such a milestone. It always sounded so far away, to be half way. And it means I've reached the point where the baby's moving, the baby's getting a lot bigger (apparently he or she is now the size of a large banana!), and the baby can now even get a taste of what I eat (in the amniotic fluid). And I'm looking a little more pregnant these days, too (the other day I was the most pregnant-looking woman shopping in the Old Navy maternity section, which was a weird realization!). It all makes it so much more real!

Earlier this week when my sister gave birth (thanks for all your well wishes for her, by the way!), seeing her belly picture one minute and her holding a baby the next really made it real for me. There's a baby in there! There's an actual human baby in my stomach!

I know this should be obvious. And, really, I know how reproduction works. I really do. But it's still difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm a part of all that! It's still hard to imagine a human baby...in there!

Okay, anyways... So I'm experiencing some different symptoms these days, and I'm not saying any of this to complain but, rather, to document it.

First and foremost, my heartburn is OUT OF CONTROL. I take a lot of tums, all day long. And it doesn't matter what I've had to eat. I've had it all along but it really escalated about two or three weeks ago.

I'm also fatigued beyond belief. I nap (if Clara does too) every day, usually at some point between three and six. And in the evening, when Clara gets fussy sometimes before bed, I find that I start to get really discouraged. I wonder, if it's hard to handle one fussy baby, how I'll possibly do it all with two. I know it's the fatigue talking and by the next morning I'm back to normal and I know that I will be fine with two babies, by the grace of God (well, some moments probably won't be 'fine', but I'm sure the great moments will outweigh the tough ones). I assume that these feelings are completely normal, especially for someone having babies so close in age.

I also get swollen, bleeding gums at times, including tonight. My dentist told me this would happen.

My face is, for me, abnormally dry (which I've been told could mean it's a girl).

And I'm still getting that awful gnawing hunger. Some days are worse than others, but it happens every morning and if I wake in the night. Last weekend I was just stuffing my face all day long, trying to get rid of the hunger, to no avail. That's when I decided it's actually not hunger at all, but something terrible and mean, impersonating hunger.

I have some round ligament pain from time to time, and some back pain, but nothing serious.

But, oh, how my butt hurts! That's right - those progesterone shots are still at it, wreaking havoc on my ability to sit comfortably. I get a sore, red, bruised, hard round ball at the injection site, and sometimes it's worse than others. It usually doesn't appear for a day and then once it does, it gets worse before getting better. It usually starts to disappear right before it's time to have another one on that same side (which is a week later).

The good news is my progesterone is now at 42.1 (that's up from the low 30's, where it was for a couple months). Technically that means it stayed about the same, since it's supposed to be steadily rising, but at least it didn't stay in the low 30's or, worse yet, decrease. I'm now at the point where I've successfully convinced myself that it's not something to worry about anyways, but it's still nice to be moving in the right direction.

Again, I'll reiterate, I don't mind these "negative" symptoms. I truly don't! I actually think it's neat that a baby is causing me heartburn. Sure, my husband will probably be surprised to read this since, at home, I'm not above complaining. But it's all relative, and I wouldn't trade this for the world.

On Monday we'll find out the gender. I cannot wait! I thought the day would never get here. To be honest, I'm a tad bit nervous that something might be revealed to be wrong during this ultrasound (twenty weeks is where they look at all the anatomy), but I'm not losing sleep over it. My nervousness really has lessened with each appointment, which is great. Those little, tiny kicks really do help!

So at this half-way point, I am just so grateful to God for this miracle. For both of our miracles! I am in awe!